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Wednesday, May 31, 2023

House Janitor Accidentally Flushes Marjorie Taylor Greene Down the Toilet

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Representatives from Congresspony Marjorie Taylor Greene’s office have confirmed that as of publication of this article she is “resting at a nearby stable facility” and quickly later clarified “that means she is literally sleeping in a stable, as all horses do.” Rep. Greene, less than hour ago, was fished out of a D.C. area sewage treatment facility after a janitor working at the House of Representatives accidentally flushed her down one of the capitol toilets.

Capitol management has already issued an apology to Greene for the mishap, but has also indicated the employee who flushed her down the toilet will not face an disciplinary action as a result.

“One of the policy changes implemented in the wake of the Trump Steak of Insurrections was asking our janitorial team to immediately dispose of any fecal matter they come upon on the capitol grounds,” a written statement from the Capitol Bureau of Cleaning Up Shit states. “Our team will be reminded, however, that they should first ascertain if the fecal matter they are flushing is sentient, as Congresspony Greene is not the only Republican they work around on a daily basis.”

Rep. Greene’s office promised more updates as her condition warrants.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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