51 F
Los Angeles
Sunday, January 29, 2023

Michael Flynn Can Recite the Pledge of Allegiance in Russian Without Difficulty

In Georgia this weekend, former Army General Michael Flynn had what some might consider to be a rather embarrassing moment for someone who considers themselves a pluperfect example of American patriotism as Flynn seems to do. Speaking before a rally for embattled attorney and crack cocaine aficionado Lin Wood, Flynn told the crowd they were going to recite the Pledge of Allegiance to the flag together, and then promptly forgot the words.

See Flynn’s botched attempt at the pledge here, below:

In an attempt to fix his mistake and restore the MAGA faithful’s confidence in his extreme patriotism, Flynn appeared on OAN this morning. During one segment of his interview, Flynn was asked why he forgot the words to the pledge at Wood’s rally. Flynn laughed, and said there was a “really simple explanation.”

MORE: MUSK ASKED SNL TO BRING ON BABYLON BEE WRITERS SO SHOW CAN BE ONE, NEVER-ENDING GENDER IDENTIFICATION JOKE

“I know all the damn words to the pledge, Jack. I just sometimes still get a little anxious in front of crowds, and the words got all twisted up in my brain that night.” Flynn said, before quickly adding, “Not that I’m some libtard elitist who uses my brain and thinks about stuff all the time. Thinking is for coastal limousine libs, not for uber-patriots like me and the Q-Nation!”

Flynn decided that the best way to assuage everyone’s fears would be to recite the pledge for everyone. Asking for “just a few moments of the viewing audience’s time,” Flynn then produced a small desk-sized American flag and put it down in front of him. Flynn stood, and saluted the flag as he recited the pledge.

In perfect Russian.

“There, see, Jack? I got every single syllable exactly верный! It’s just more fake news, ginned-up outrage and lies about me now knowing all the words,” Flynn insisted. “I just want to thank you for giving me this opportunity to clear that up, comrade.”

MORE: SON CALLED CPS BECAUSE PARENTS WERE WATCHING TUCKER CARLSON

Become a Patron!

Follow James on Instagram.
Subscribe to James’ Patreon for ad-free satire.


 

Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
Latest news
Related news

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Science/Tech

Editorial

Popular categories

Archive