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Saturday, October 1, 2022

Milley Advised China to Send McNuggets to the White House to Appease Trump

During the final days of the Trump administration, a new book reveals that Retired Gen. Mark Milley, Joint Chiefs of Staff, went around the president and made contact with his Chinese counterpart. Milley was motivated, the book suggests, by his deep and consistent fear that Don Trump would attempt to start a war with China in order to justify staying in power, avoiding the election he ultimately would lose.

Today, a new excerpt from the same book reveals that Milley’s efforts to avoid war reached so far as to give China some “friendly advice” on how to “keep the Man-Toddler in Chief docile.”

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“There are two things his body runs on — fast food and Adderall. He is his most dangerous and unpredictable when he is hangry,” Milley wrote to his Chinese counterpart late last year. “So I highly suggest that you keep having McNuggets delivered from DoorDash or Grub Hub, directly to the Oval Office. Keep him plied with greasy food and you should be just fine, and we’ll sail through to the other side of the election without any wars flaring up.”

If China was unable or unwilling to send boat loads of McNuggets to the White House, Milley had one more suggestion for “getting on Trump’s good side.”

“I suppose if the McNugget thing doesn’t work out, there are a couple of other things he likes just as much,” Milley wrote. “However, I wouldn’t know where you could acquire nude photos of his First Lady. I could put you in touch with Ivanka, though, if you want to see if she has a spare or two she can send your way.”

Trump has vowed to get his revenge on Milley when he is restored to power sometime this year.

“Mike Lindell, Sasquatch, and me? We have a plan that will set aside every non-MAGA vote that was cast under heavy and bigly suspicion it was cast using socialism,” Trump said in a hand-written in crayon statement. “When I am back in power, Milley will pay for his lack of vision.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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