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Thursday, June 1, 2023

A New York City Petition to Rename Landfill After Donald Trump Has Over 3 Million Signatures

NEW YORK, NEW YORK — A petition making the rounds in the Big Apple has gained public attention, and has forced the hashtag #ObamaAve to begin trending on Twitter. With almost 300,000 signatures already, the petition seeks to rename the New York City street that President Donald Trump luxury skyscraper hotel and condominium building calls its home. Trump Tower’s address puts the building on the city’s famed 5th Avenue, but the petition asks that one square block of Fifth be redubbed “Barack Obama Avenue.”

Mr. Obama himself has not weighed in on the proposed change, however the city officials who could make such a thing happen have already thrown cold water on the idea. Despite being Democrats, and not exactly fans of their home state’s gift to the presidency, renaming the street has been taken off the table.

Corey Johnson, the City Council speaker and a progressive Democrat who can muscle through legislation he favors, said he opposed the renaming, too.

Mr. Johnson, who effectively determines whether the renaming will happen, said in a statement, “As much as I love the idea of celebrating President Obama, I am not positive this is the best way.” (The Failing New York Times)

As many could relate, it’s hard to completely dampen the spirits of New Yorkers, though, and overnight a new, far more popular petition has been making the rounds.

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“We have over three million signatures so far, and we’ve only been passing this petition around for a few hours, really,” New York resident Katie Williamson told us today in a Skype interview. “That means so far three-quarters of New Yorkers want to rename one of our landfills as the Donald Trump Dump. It’s hard to get New Yorkers to agree on what color the sky is, much less come together to put three million signatures on a piece of paper agreeing to rename something in the city. But that just shows you how much this city hates one of its most famous residents, doesn’t it?”

The petition doesn’t specify which landfill would be renamed. New York City generates millions of tonnes of garbage every year, and a lot of is sent to China. Williamson says that a petition to have Trump sent to China on the next garbage barge out of town also picked up a million signatures, but questions about the Constitutionality of packing up a sitting president onto a ship full of garbage, as well as concerns for the health and safety of the ship’s crew, nixed that plan pretty early on.

“Those folks are used to carrying millions of pounds of toxic, disgusting garbage across the ocean,” Williamson explained, “but making them have to listen to Trump go on and on about his Electoral College victory, or how much he wants to sleep with his daughter would be too much for them, we thought.”

Williamson says that if efforts to rename a Manhattan garbage dump after the president fail, there’s one more option.

“A few thousand of us have agree to just start taking a dump on the sidewalk and putting little Trump 2020 flags in the poos we leave,” Williamson said. “It’s crass. It’s vulgar. It’s highly disgusting. But that would just mean our protest methods fit the person we’re protesting. To a tee.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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