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Saturday, June 3, 2023

Obama Appears on Fox News Opposing Masks

Today, former President Barack Obama appeared on Fox News and urged viewers not to wear masks. It might have seemed like a shock to many, given that he delivered a stirring, emotional eulogy of the late Congressman John Lewis last week and made headlines by putting on a face mask once he’d finished. However, Obama explained his reasoning for his about-face right off the bat.

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“Now, I wanna make something…crystal clear. Make no mistake,” Obama told the hosts of Fox & Friends via phone, “I was paying attention for those eight years. I saw Republicans resisting me every step of the way, and those Republicans? Well, a lot of them became Trump voters, and if I had suggested that they continue to breathe in and out, there’d have been millions of Republicans dying in the heartland with blue faces.”

Obama decided over the weekend, he divulged, to schedule an appearance on Fox News and “try something out of the box” and discourage people who watch Fox News from wearing masks.

“What I hope happens here, is what happens every time I say something or suggest something,” Obama hinted. “I just want to implore all your patriotic, true blue viewers to listen to the words coming out of my mouth, and do what they always do when I say something. So, once more: Please. Don’t wear a mask.”

The United States leads the world in the total confirmed number of COVID-19. More than 150,000 Americans have died from complications arising from a coronavirus infection since February of this year. Obama referenced both those facts this morning.

“There’s no denying that America has more COVID-19 cases than any other developed nation, and that more Americans have died from it,” Obama said. “I would just ask the Fox News viewers at home whether they want America to stay in the top spots. If they truly believe in American exceptionalism, they’ll surely want to keep America on top in all things, and the best way they can do their part in that regard is to skip wearing a mask.”

Not only does Obama want Fox News viewers to hear his message about not wearing masks, he also wants them to consider breaking social distancing guidelines.

“In fact, not only should your viewers not wear masks, they should surely not quarantine,” Obama went on. “In fact, I was just on a conference call with George Soros and Killary Benghazi — excuse me — Hillary Clinton, and we all agree on this. Don’t wear masks, and go out in public in large groups.”

Before ending the phone interview, former President Obama reiterated his admonishments, and made sure to repeat who it was laying them out.

“So once more, let me make this absolutely clear. Make no mistake,” Obama said, “I, Barack HUSSEIN OBAMA am telling Americans that that they should not wear masks and should not social distance. Remember, one more time Fox Viewers — Barack Obama is telling you NOT to wear a mask. Do with that what you will. I hope you’re as recalcitrant as you are predictable, and that you keep doing what you do so well.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

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James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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