A BUNKER DEEP BELOW SOROS-NET, INC. — Secretly recorded meetings between former President Barack Obama, his wife/transgender beard and Satan worshiping, deep fried food hating wife, Michelle, former Secretary Hillary Clinton, the disembodied ghost of Saul Alinksy, and George Soros have surfaced. While fact checkers and various media outlets are still verifying various aspects of the recordings, one detail has come to light that may surprise some Americans. Obama apparently has doubts about Trump’s legitimacy and qualification for the presidency, even nearly a year after he was elected and months after Trump was sworn in.
“Hillary, Saul, Lord Soros, I have to tell you,” Obama is heard on the tape, “I really have doubts to this day about Donald Trump’s human birth certificate. I’m not sure he’s actually human. He’s out there retweeting right-wing fascists’ fake videos and that barnyard animal in a dress of a press secretary he’s got is out there admitting the videos are fake but pretending that’s not what really matters.”
The animosity between Trump and Obama could stem back to when Trump was leading the “Birther” movement against Obama. The allegations were that Obama’s birth certificate was a fake, and that he was actually a foreign-born citizen. Despite telling the country during last year’s election that he no longer was a Birther, a recent New York Times article reported that in private, as recently as this year, Trump has said he still has doubts about Obama’s birth certificate.
“I have been saying for a long time now that I don’t think whatever Trump is qualifies as human,” Obama is heard telling his colleagues in the Axis of Libtardia. “Any document that implies or infers he is human, let alone humane, I gotta call bullshit on, know what I mean? Call me crazy, but I can’t find anywhere in the Constitution where it says you can be non-human and be president.”
Obama can be heard on the recording making a concession about Trump, however.
“He’s a cretinous douchebag, though, isn’t he,” Obama asks rhetorically. “Michelle, is cretinous douchebag technically human?”
Mrs. Obama’s response is inaudible.
“I only wish my plan to take away every gun in America, strip ‘In God We Trust’ off the currency, and put everyone in forced gay marriage FEMA camps had been successful,” Obama lamented. “But the high-caliber right-wing journalists like Mike Cernovich and Jack Prosobiec kept so many people aware of our super-duper-secret plans that I was just not afforded the chance.”
President Trump was stopped just outside the venue in St. Charles, Missouri, where he’d held a rally to promote the tax cut package his congressional party mates are proposing.
“Jeez, it’s been ten months already! When is Obama gonna let this one go,” Trump asked.
Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because they have a definition of hate speech that includes “calling Ann Coulter the C-word.”