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Monday, February 6, 2023

I Just Had a Lobotomy, and I Am Shocked at How Incompetent House Republicans Are

I have to say, after watching Kevin McCarthy fail four consecutive times in two days to secure enough votes from his own party to become Speaker of the House, that I am starting to believe the Republican Party is incompetent and incapable of leading. I won’t lie — I find this incredibly shocking.

I don’t really have the words to adequately describe just how shocked and surprised I am by all of this.

I mean…really? The Republicans? Incompetent? The party that put a D-List reality TV star and lifelong tax cheating conman in the White House because he promised to “drain the swamp,” only to turn around and use the swamp to make himself and his family members richer? The same party that sold the country a war of choice on the lie of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq? The same political party that told us giving more money to already rich people would trigger a downstream flood of money, making everyone wealthier in the meantime?

That same party…incompetent?

Honestly, I am having a really hard time making sense of this. I’m having enormous difficulty reconciling with the idea that the party who spent the Obama administration chasing every single right-wing conspiracy theory to its nothingburger conclusion while also enacting absolutely no laws that made the lives of the American people better, could be seen, in public, as so humiliatingly stupid and incapable.

How is it the party of intellectual titans and political luminaries like Louie Gohmert, Michele Bachman, and Sarah Palin also be the party of complete and utter ineptitude? How can the same party that impeached a president over an extramarital blowjob be the same exact one that can’t get its own shit in one sock and elect a Speaker, when they have all the votes they need, right in their own delegations?

All of this confusion is giving me a headache. I think I need to go call the neurosurgeon who performed my lobotomy and ask him if this is normal after having half your brain removed. She warned me that leaving more than a quarter brain in there might make me question being a Republican in the first place, but she didn’t mention anything about being caught off-guard by their total clusterfuckery, at all.


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James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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