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Sunday, February 5, 2023

President Defends Ivanka at G20: “Plenty of First Ladies Try to Conduct Diplomacy On Their Daddy’s Behalf!”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump defended his daughter Ivanka to reporters on the White House lawn this morning. Mr. Trump told the media he was “outraged and upset” that his daughter has been mocked fairly mercilessly since French authorities released a video of her at the G20 summit apparently annoying world leaders by trying to insert herself into a discussion between top government officials. A hashtag #UnwantedIvanka sprung up on Twitter to make fun of the fact that it was visible on the video how her behavior was annoying everyone else in the video.

“I don’t see what the big deal is, quite frankly,” Mr. Trump told reporters when asked this morning. “When Crooked — you remember my very hilarious and original nickname for Hillary Clinton? — when Crooked Hillary was First Lady, she tried to do a healthcare thing. This is really no different.”

President Trump said that criticisms that he’s not engaged enough in his job duties and leaving it up to his daughter to fill in the gaps in his attention span are “fake news” and “borderline treason.”

“I’m just saying maybe we need to open up the treason laws and make it so that you can’t criticise me, or any president, without my permission first,” Trump said. “It sets a dangerous precedent when people start paying attention to how much I’m working, and how much I’m letting dear, sweet, Sexy as Hell Ivanka do my job for me.”

The president doesn’t believe that Ivanka trying to conduct foreign policy is “anything to even really care about” because “so many others have done it too.”

“I’m sorry folks, I just don’t see the big deal here. Plenty of First Ladies try to conduct diplomacy on their daddy’s behalf,” Trump said emphatically. “And I will not tolerate anyone saying differently.”

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi was asked this morning by reporters if she was concerned at all about seeing a sitting president’s unelected daughter butting into high-level diplomatic decisions. Pelosi said she was “outraged, upset, apoplectic, and extremely worried” about what she saw. However, she’s unsure that she has any power to do anything about it.

“Who am I? The Speaker of the House? The most powerful person in one-half of a coequal branch of government that is literally given permission in the Constitution to hold the president accountable,” Pelosi asked rhetorically. “No, really, is that me? Because if so, I think that means I kinda have to do something eventually. But you all understand how hard it is for an elected Democrat to actually do something, instead of talking about it, right?”

Watch the video of Ivanka’s attempt to be part of a conversation at G20, courtesy the French government, below.

Another Story: Ivanka Had The Most Classy And Elegant Photos Taken For Father’s Day

Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because they have a definition of hate speech that includes “calling Ann Coulter the C-word.”

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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