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Thursday, September 21, 2023

President Trump Wants His Bone Spurs Added To Vietnam War Memorial

AIR FORCE ONE — High above the Pacific Ocean, on his way back to Washington, D.C., President Donald J. Trump pulled aside White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders and had her take down some dictation. Trump would later tell reporters that he got the idea while pondering the meaning of Memorial Day.

“Sarah, I want to a small addition to the Vietnam War memorial. Today is Memorial Day, and it made me realize how important the Vietnam War was not just to America, but to me in particular,” Trump told his press secretary.

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President Trump has been in Japan the last couple of days. Trump visited the Imperial Palace and gave out a big trophy to a sumo wrestling champion. Mr. Trump could be overheard telling aides that he “could prolly win” the sumo tournament himself, but didn’t want to show up the rest of the athletes who had “been training so bigly hard.”

“The Vietnam War, I think, is perhaps the most important war in our country’s history. I want to commemorate that in a special way,” Trump told Huckabee. “And it’s gotten me to thinking. My bone spurs have never gotten the respect they deserve, and I really think deserve an honor. One that has been denied to them for so long.”

Trump told Huckabee that when they landed, he wanted to head immediately to the Oval Office and draft a letter to Congress and whoever curates the names that end up on the Vietnam War memorial in the nation’s capital.

“I want to honor two very big heroes of mine. Heroes for a very personal reason,” Trump said, adding, “and it’s high time my bone spurs receive the distinction and recognition they richly deserve.”

Huckabee didn’t seem able to believe her ears. She asked Trump to reiterate what he wanted. He told her, again, that he wanted to have his bone spurs added to the list of names of U.S. armed forces service members who died in the Vietnam War on its memorial in Washington, D.C. She reminded the president that the wall was meant to honor those who had made the “biggest sacrifice possible.” Trump said he understood.

“Well, without my bone spurs cropping up at just the right time,” Trump mused, “I might have had to go serve in that war. So if you ask me, they absolutely displayed heroism and bravery. If we can’t add them to the memorial, can I give them a presidential medal of freedom or some shit?”

Huckabee Sanders said she’d “look into it.”

This story is developing.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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