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Thursday, August 18, 2022

Publishers Worry MAGAs Are Too Illiterate to Buy Trump’s Memoir

Publishers who might normally be champing at the bit to obtain the rights to publish a presidential memoir are reportedly not jumping at the opportunity to work with the man who most recently vacated the Oval Office. According to sources within the publishing industry, the hesitancy to sign former, one-term, twice forever impeached President Donald J. Trump to a publishing deal stems from worries that his followers won’t be able to read the book when it’s released.

“We have no doubts whatsoever that there’s a market for a Trump memoir, just based on how well Dr. Seuss books do in general,” one publishing executive told us off the record, “but since nobody in Trump’s circle has anything close to talent, much less as an artist, the memoir wouldn’t have any pictures. So even though it’d be written in crayon, using a third grader’s vocabulary, the worries are that MAGAs would be too intimidated by the book to buy it, much less read it.”

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Cameron Manheim-Stemrohler, one of the world’s most famous literary agents thinks that Trump’s memoir might still sell well, but only if it’s packaged together with some form of adult literacy materials.

“Maybe if every copy of the memoir included a membership in Duolingo, so that MAGAs could learn how to read and write English in a way people with more teeth than cousins they’ve fucked,” Manheim-Stemrohler explained, “then there’d be a chance that people would buy Trump’s book, knowing they’d first get to learn how to read it.”

Another publishing executive thinks that even if the literacy rate of pro-MAGA Americans isn’t to blame, sales of the memoir could still be extremely sluggish.

“Trump is the de facto leader of a political party that thinks education is a liberal conspiracy, and he openly said he loves those who are not well-educated,” Skip Malloy, CEO of Bonch Publishing told us. “Education, and reading to these people is elitism, and being caught reading anything other than a Bible or the latest edition of Stormfront is really looked down upon among the pro-MAGA crowd.”

Jared Kushner, a former White House adviser and current son-in-law to Donald Trump, has reportedly inked a deal for a book about his time in the Executive branch entitled Cucking the Commander in Chief, and should hit store shelves later this year.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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