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Saturday, June 3, 2023

Republican Congressman Igor Americaman Glad Colleagues Shut Down ‘Obvious Russian Investigation мошенничество’

WASHINGTON, D.C. — This morning, a Republican congressional representative from a small town in middle America issued a statement of support for his colleagues in the House Intelligence Committee. Last night, the committee, which has a majority of Republicans serving on it, abruptly ended its fourteen month long investigation into the 2016 presidential election and any role that Russia my have played in interfering with it. More than a dozen intelligence agencies have concluded that the Kremlin participated in an active campaign, under the direction of Russian President Vladimir Putin, to prop up then candidate Trump and denigrate Hillary Rodham Clinton.

“It is with great American loudness and pride that I commend my comrades on the House Intel Committee for making right decision yesterday,” Rep. Igor Americaman said in a written statement. “From beginning, honest congress mans and womans have called this whole thing a sham, and an end end to the obvious Russian investigation мошенничество is just what country needs.”

Congressman Americaman said that it was “obvious as most obvious thing” that the congressional investigation was “unnecessary and foolish.” He also stated that the “non-stop rumors are as bad for American presidency as polonium is to traitors.”

“Who could believe such obvious bad propaganda as this? Who actually believe Big President Donald Orange Trump would collude with Russia,” Americanman wrote. “Just because Trump has long history of taking money from rich Russian oligarchs, won’t ever say bad word about Russia, and won’t impose totally bipartisan sanctions on Russia, that doesn’t mean anything.”

Americaman insists that there was never any evidence of collusion that was found in the 14 months that the House investigation was open.

“If you ignore the Mueller indictments, Donald Trump Jr’s ever changing stories, and close your eyes real tight, you won’t find any evidence either,” Americaman wrote.

Rep. Americaman said that it’s “time for American government to focus energy on more important вопросы.”

“Maybe it has come time for big bad American government to train its gaze on what Hillary Clinton has been doing the last few months. Has she added anyone to her hit list or personally killed anyone from it recently,” Americaman said. “Or, maybe congress can work on making Russia official co-country of America? Who knows, it brave new world, da?”

The White House did not comment on this story.

Satire can be found on The Pastiche Post and The Political Garbage Chute.

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James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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