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Monday, January 30, 2023

Militantly Atheist and Anti-Hunting Comedian/Movie Star Really Sick of All Your Celebrity Activism, Hollywood

He’s really into animal rights. He’s so into protecting the rights of animals that he regularly uses his massive online presence to share pictures of bullfighters being gored, and stories about hunters either being accidentally shot, or mauled by the animals they’re hunting. He’s also a devout, and some might even say, “militant” atheist. He regularly lambasts religion and religious people, and in one of his most famous films — he’s a big time movie star as well as one of the world’s most popular comedians — he literally calls religion “lying.”

He has follower counts in the millions, and he takes every chance he can to promote the causes of animal rigGervahts and the secularization of society. Some of his most famous and scathing bits from his numerous stand-up specials, which he promotes heavily and incessantly on the same social media channels, are about those very topics. In fact, it would be hard for anyone who hasn’t followed him for even a matter of days to come to the conclusion that he is devoutly anti-hunting and strictly atheist, and has no problem broadcasting those opinions every chance he gets.

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He’s an A-list celebrity. He’s a true super star. Don’t let that fool you though; he still cares about certain causes enough to post about them all the time. He really wants to use his fame for good, you see.

But you know what he’s sick of? 

YOUR celebrity activism, Hollywood. It’s so fake. It’s so phony. It’s so unnecessary and it’s so hypocritical. Don’t ask him to explain how what he does with his social media accounts is so much different than you taking a moment after you’ve won an award to highlight a cause other than your own career; he doesn’t have time to explain that to you. Just know that when it comes to YOUR celebrity activism, he thinks it can get totally and completely fucked. Just stop it! No one cares!

Ask yourselves — are you really entitled to call out Harvey Weinstein when so many of you worked for his studios, even though you’re a human and have to make money to eat? Don’t you know that no one whose ever had to compromise their principles for the sake of a paycheck, or a networking connection, has any right to call for more equal treatment in the entertainment industry? Why didn’t any of you call him out BEFORE he was in legal trouble? You’re such hypocrites, this man says.

Oh, don’t bring up his good friend and fellow comedian Louis CK right now! That’s not what we’re to discuss! We are here to discuss how sick and tired this super-famous entertainment industry celebrity with well-defined pet social causes has become with YOUR activism, Hollywood! Are should we help him pander to his new conservative fans even more by calling you, “HollyWEIRD,” eh? 

Yes indeed, this acerbic comedian, who takes no shit from anyone and always speaks his mind freely about any topic he wishes to, at any time he wishes to, wants and needs the rest of you to shut the fuck up. NOW. Isn’t it funny, his double-standard? Of course it is. What kind of stick in the mud are you, to not want to be lectured by a guy who shoves his political opinions in anyone’s face he wants to about shoving your political opinions in peoples’ faces? If you can’t see the true comedic genius in his wanton hypocrisy, then fella, there’s something wrong you.

The bottom line here is really quite simple: shut up. Just shut the fuck up, Hollywood. Enough with the activism. Stop using your enormous popularity to highlight causes you think are vitally important. Just knock it off. 

Because he’s already doing it, and there’s literally only so much room for free speech in civilized society. Sorry, but he’s called dibs, is carrying a pint glass of beer (like all True Brits taking the piss are required by the Queen’s Law to do), and is therefore legally entitled to be the only self-entitled, arrogant twat in the room. 

Take that, concerned humans!

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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