KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY — Sources close to the situation say that tensions have subsided after a brief incident involving the departed souls of two former political rivals.
At approximately 2:00 pm this afternoon, a minor dust-up was witnessed at the early bird dinner buffet line in Heaven, an afterlife timeshare resort marketed to Christians. Apparently, the soul of Ross Perot nudged himself into the buffet line by pushing former President George H.W. Bush out his own spot in line. Emotions briefly flared because it’s pot roast day, and both Bush and Perot love pot roast.
“The problem was that both men wanted to be in the same place at the same time,” one source told us. “Which meant someone was going to get bumped, and it was Bush this time. He was pretty upset at first, and told Perot he was ‘sick and tired’ of him ‘horning in’ on his ‘action.'”
Because of the ensuing argument, another man was able to get in front of Bush and get his food first.
“I just saw those two going at it and decided I wasn’t gonna wait for the pot roast to get cold,” the man who stepped in front of Bush told heavenly reporters just moments ago. “So I pushed my way past them and positioned myself perfectly to receive the next helping of pot roast.”
Mr. Bush was apparently upset because he felt he was entitled to the place in line he was already in.
“Bush told Perot it was ‘just like’ him to try to nudge his way in,” our source said. “For a time there, it looked like they might really throw down.”
A defiant but apologetic Perot eventually realized his mistake and let Bush have his spot back in front of the now deceased billionaire.
“But that didn’t really fix anything because the whole time Bush was getting his food, Perot was behind him going, ‘Are ya finished? Are ya finished,'” our source told us. “Bush seemed pretty annoyed by the whole thing, really, but there wasn’t any further incident between the two of them.”
Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because they have a definition of hate speech that includes “calling Ann Coulter the C-word.”