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Saturday, June 3, 2023

Roy Moore: “It Was Just Locker Room Sexual Predation!”

LAKE BAISE TA SOEUR, ALABAMA — Republican Senate candidate Roy Moore is facing stunning, stinging allegations of sexually preying upon a 14-year-old girl when he was 32 years old, according to a new bombshell report from The Washington PostIn a report published Thursday, a few women are reported as having come forward with allegations that Moore sexually pursued them when he was an adult and they were teenagers. Leigh Corfman and her friends and family recount the events, decades in the past now, of Moore’s alleged misconduct toward her. Corfman says in the piece she “wanted it over with” when he began to remove her clothes and his and touch her, guiding her hands to touch him.

Per The Washington Post:

“Alone with Corfman, Moore chatted with her and asked for her phone number, she says. Days later, she says, he picked her up around the corner from her house in Gadsden, drove her about 30 minutes to his home in the woods, told her how pretty she was and kissed her. On a second visit, she says, he took off her shirt and pants and removed his clothes. He touched her over her bra and underpants, she says, and guided her hand to touch him over his underwear.”  (WaPo)

In addition to Corfman, the story indicates more women have come forward in past weeks and presented similar accusations against Moore. In the wake of the story’s publication, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, a leader of Moore’s party, has said that if the allegations are true, that should end the Alabama Republican’s bid to replace Attorney General Jeff Sessions in the Senate.

“If these allegations are true, he must step aside,” McConnell has been quoted as saying about the issue.

Moore has already issued a statement denying the allegations, but in just the last half an hour, he also was interviewed by a radio station in a small town in Alabama, and he tried to offer more insight into his motivations, as well as to perhaps give some nuance to the events, from his perspective.

“If you ask me this is a whole lot of hot air about something that is really very harmless and pretty much boys-will-boys-and-then-grow-up-and-become-men-and-still-be-boys kinda thing,” Moore said, “and frankly, all of it was just locker room sexual predation.”

Judge Moore explained that even though these acts allegedly took place years ago, he was inspired by “the divine hand of the Almighty Lord Thy God,” and was given a premonition.

“I had a dream of a big, orange man, and he was caught admitting to grabbing women by the pussy,” Moore said, “but that it was all just locker room talk and meaningless. And that man went on to be God Emperor of all the land. So if anything, I was just following our party’s leader, decades and decades before I even knew who he was, you see.”

The White House could not be reached for comment.

Some more satire to read:



James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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