ORLANDO, FLORIDA — In their Magic Kingdom at their Walt Disney World resort, Disney has an attraction called The Hall of Presidents. Utilizing robotics, several of the men who held the highest office in the land “come to life” before an audience’s eyes. The show features every single past president, and starting this week, President Donald Trump will also be represented by an animatronic analogue.
In order to complete the installation of Trump’s animatron, Disney reportedly hired Russian engineers. In a statement announcing the reopening of the attraction, the entertainment juggernaut said after several attempts, their Imagineers were unable to get the Trump bot installed and fully functional. One technical challenge after another was seen, Disney said, until they did some research and found the solution to their problem.
“It was the strangest thing,” Goofy told reporters, “We tried to get the Trump anima-doo-hickey put in there, but every time he’d start splutterin’ and a sputterin’ and it just never quite worked right. The Internet pointed us to a team of Russian engineers and hackers that had no problems helping us get Trump installed.”
The Russian engineers, upon arriving in Florida, began a series of tests on the Trump animatron. They found that the racism and lying programming that Disney’s Imagineers had configured it with weren’t quite right. The algorithms needed to be tweaked.
“Plus, the Trump robot never asked us to set up a Night Time Lady Pee-Pee show for him, so we knew something was off,” one Russian engineer told us. “But we knew we had it right when we asked his daughter Ivanka to come down and see if we missed anything and he tried to grope her.”
Disney says that the President Trump animatron functions nearly identical to the other presidents, with a few key differences.
“We feed this thing a constant stream of Diet Coke, cocaine, and KFC,” Bob Iger, Disney CEO told guests previewing the attraction. “As such, don’t be surprised if you hear him muttering about one thing or another, or take out his Blackberry and start tweeting about how Rosie O’Donnell is a fat pig. You know, presidential stuff like that.”
Reportedly, when the Trump animatron was turned on for the first time in front of a handful of engineers in the empty auditorium, he claimed to see six million people in the audience, and demanded to know how many came to see Barack Obama’s animatron when it was first installed. Disney installed the Trump bot with one more key, distinctive feature.
“It’s got a quick-release ejection platform under it,” Iger said. “So when he’s impeached or quits in disgrace, we can just push a button and catapult him out of here.”