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Saturday, June 3, 2023

Sarah Huckabee Sanders Explains The Difference Between Bucket Of Shit And President

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Yesterday, during a press briefing, White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders was assailed with questions about accusations against President Trump of sexual misconduct, prior to his taking office. Huckabee Sanders was asked why Trump would tweet about and take very seriously the bombshell accusation made by radio DJ Leann Tweeden that he forced a kiss on her during a rehearsal of a sketch he wrote them to participate in during a USO tour in 2006, when Trump’s own accusers are repeatedly called liars by Trump and Huckabee herself.

She was asked what the difference was between Trump and Franken, and Ms. Sanders gave an answer that will perhaps live longer than she wanted it to.

“I think in one case specifically, Sen. Franken has admitted wrongdoing, and the president hasn’t,” Sanders replied. “I think that’s a very clear distinction.” (HuffPost)

The subject sexual impropriety has been pushed to the forefront of American dialogue after several high powered men in the entertainment and political worlds have been rocked by allegations all the way from inappropriate touching to the romantic pursuit of pubescent girls by a man in this twenties and thirties. During the campaign last year, Trump’s own murky past on the subject was highlighted by the Hillary Clinton campaign, and to date there are more than 15 women who have accused Mr. Trump of a variety abusive, harassing, sexually inappropriate actions.

Leaving the White House to go get Trump some covfefe, Sanders was stopped by reporters this morning and asked if she’d like to revise or clarify what she said in the press briefing the previous day. Reporters asked her if she realized that she essentially said Trump was guilty too, but that he just hadn’t admitted it yet. Huckabee Sanders scoffed at this notion, and offered another analogy to try and shed more light on her comparison of the two men.

“That question is so stupid I can’t even think of a really terrible, unfunny joke to open with,” Huckabee Sanders said. “But let me just be clear here — all I was trying to do is answer the libtarded press’s question fairly and honestly. They asked me what the difference was between Al Franken and my boss. And so I said what the truth is. I mean, sure I could have also said, ‘Well, there are over a dozen women who have filed claims against my boss in court and are on record accusing him, and Franken’s only got one accuser, but you know, I gotta try to polish this turd somehow guys.”

Huckabee then made another comparison to Trump to help illustrate her point.

“It’s like if someone said to me, Sarah,” Huckabee began, “you’re an extremely funny person and you don’t at all come off like a cold, monotonous serial killer, so tell us, what’s the difference between a bucket of shit and President Trump? You know what I’d tell them? The bucket.”

The press pool started nodding their heads in understanding.

More satire:

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James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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