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Thursday, June 1, 2023

Impeached Sore Loser Continues to Pout Like a Bitch

WASHINGTON, D.C. — More than two weeks ago, the country decided to fire Donald Trump, and come January 21st, 2021, he will no longer be the President of the United States of America.

This fact, unavoidably enshrined in the Constitution’s rigorous methodology in selecting presidents, has very visibly upset Trump, and in the ensuing days since his stinging defeat, his Twitter feed has become a constant deluge of whiny, pouting conspiracy theories and allegations of election fraud. According to the National Institute of Labeling Things, Trump has officially crossed over into “sore loser” territory, and could end up being labeled a “whiny little bitch-ass loser,” which would be an increase of sixteen levels of loserness, according to the NILT.

MORE: Tucker Carlson Asks When Joe Biden Will Take Responsibility for The People Trump Let Die From Covid

“Taking a look at Donald Trump’s Twitter feed alone will give one ample evidence that he’s a sore loser,” NILT lead researcher Belinda Conducir told us. “It doesn’t seem to a case where he’s going to stop any time soon, either. Every single thing he tweets is a lie about fraud or a massive whine about losing. It seems nobody prepared the outgoing president for the reality of how math works, and that is weighing quite heavily on our rating and review algorithm.”

It’s unclear at this time if Twitter would have banned any other human being on the planet if they tweeted as much false and misleading information about an election as Trump has. Both Twitter and Facebook have shied away from placing any major disciplinary actions on Trump’s accounts on their platforms. Typically, they point to a need to keep the public informed on what their elected officials say. With roughly 65 days left in his administration, speculation has grown about whether or not social media companies will continue to treat him with kid gloves.

“Sore losers have a hard time processing when they lose, and the president is most assuredly struggling to deal with his own defeat,” Conducir explained, “so if Twitter doesn’t suspend his account, we only expect his pouting to increase. He’s in full-blown baby bitch mode now, and he doesn’t usually let up until he’s passed out from the exhaustion of tweeting, eating Big Macs, and snorting Adderall.”

President Trump is the first man to be impeached in his first term, seek a second term, and lose. He’s also the first president to never win the popular vote, as George W. Bush was able to do so in 2004, after losing it in 2000. The Constitution states Trump’s tenure as president will expire no matter what he says or does to the contrary at 12:01 PM on January 21st, 2021.

MORE: Trump Signs Executive Order Declaring Himself “Actual” Winner of 2020 Election

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

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James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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