WASHINGTON, D.C. — During a radio interview on WKKK-FM, Donald Trump Jr. accidentally let slip that his father, President Donald Trump, is in the process of directing his newly minted Space Force to begin construction a great space wall.
“Diddums can always have his Space Force build a space wall around our country,” Junior said, “Hell, maybe even around the United States too, if we have enough left over. Russia’s a big country, fam.” (The Political Garbage Chute)
Citing his son’s “inability to keep his stupid mouth shut,” the president reluctantly acknowledged on the White House lawn today that he was readying the orders to have his Space Force begin construction on a border wall that would encircle the United States and reach all the way up into space.
“I always knew that kid had a big mouth, ever since I made him with, uh, you know, what’s-her-name…uh,” Trump was stumbling around for the name of the woman who gave birth to his three eldest children. “You know, Not Ivanka — I call her, anyway. Anyway, Captain Big Mouth is right — I’m gonna tell the Space Force I demand a space wall to keep out illegal space aliens and Mexicans.”
President Trump intends to ask the Space Force to construct his space wall out of the “most high tech” materials available.
“I hear that President Obama is from some country in Africa — Walk-Like-An-Egyptian-Kanda, I think it’s called,” Trump said. “Apparently Captain America’s shield is made out of some metal they mine there. I want that metal for my space wall. It only makes sense a wall that’s only needed in my imagination would be built out of an imaginary material.”
President Trump drew inspiration from another Republican president for his space wall idea.
“If Ron Reagan can be a septuagenarian, borderline senile old man demanding things like Star Wars missile defense systems,” Trump insisted, “then I get to have my space wall, MOM! Sorry, old habits die hard.”
Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell has already come out in full-throated support for the Space Wall.
“Everyone knows if there’s one thing I like it’s mashing my penis into a lump of coal and pretending that’s consensual sex,” McConnell told reporters outside a D.C. area restaurant today. “However, as a Republican, nothing makes that flaccid noodle in my pants stand semi-firm like the idea of defense spending, and well, the Space Force building a space wall would be exactly that. So, here’s to Mitch McConnell’s raging boner, eh, everybody?”
The sounds of vomiting reporters are still drowning out the regular noise of the city in the nation’s capital.
Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.