Friday, March 5, 2021

Mitch McConnell

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McConnell Blames OJ For His Ex-Wife’s Multiple Stab Wounds, Says He’s Would Have Voted Not Guilty

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (Q-Moscow) weighed in on yet another important legal case in American history this morning, telling reporters...

Mitch McConnell Buys Aunt Jemima Syrup But Puts the Bottle in the Back of the Cart

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell was recently spotted out and about the suburbs of the nation's capital, shopping for groceries. McConnell,...

McConnell: “Nobody’s Above the Law Except for D-List Reality TV Game Show Hosts”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Moscow) asserted as clearly and plainly as he could this morning that he doesn't think it's...

Senate Republicans Fear Dems Will Smear Amy Coney Barrett With Her Own Actions, Words, and Religious Beliefs

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Next week, the Senate Judiciary Committee, under chairmanship from Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC), will begin the confirmation process of Judge Amy...

Lindsey Graham Doesn’t Think Senate Should Return Until He Can Fit His Mask Over Trump’s Nuts

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) can be counted among the elected Republicans who want to re-open the country's economy up despite the...

McConnell Says Trump’s Dick Tastes Like ‘Total Authority’ to Him

COAL BONER, KENTUCKY -- President Donald Trump suggested during a recent coronavirus task force press briefing that he alone has the final say in...

McConnell: “How Dare Democrats Play Games With the Republicans’ Corporate Slush Fund in Times Like These?!”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- For the most part, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Moscow) has made his reputation as a stalwart, stoic politician who doesn't...

McConnell Calls For ‘Socialist, Libtard Cucks Who Elected Blacky McDemocrat’ to Unify Behind Trump’s War With Iran

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell took to the Senate floor yesterday and blasted Democrats not vocally supporting the drone strike killing...

McConnell Promises to Hold Impeachment Trial in Moscow

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell said today that "in the interest of fairness and logic" he's going to file a change...

Schiff Finds McConnell In Trump’s Ass While Trying to Calculate How Far He Can Fit His Shoe Up There

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- At the time of publication, Rep. Adam Schiff was still working some final details out with Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell....
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