Friday, March 5, 2021

Ted Cruz

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Ted Cruz’s Ugly Wife Confirms Gender Neutral Potato Head and Her Husband Will Still Have Same Size Balls

Heidi Cruz, the ugly as sin wife of Sen. Ted Cruz, confirmed for reporters today that after Hasbro makes the iconic "Mr. Potato Head"...

Mexico Offers to Pay to Send Ted Cruz Back to Canada

MEXICO CITY, MEXICO -- While residents of his home state of Texas struggle to keep warm among a crisis of energy production and climate...

Hawley, Cruz, and Paul Leave GOP and Start the “Lost Cause Party”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In the mid-19th century, the United States of America splintered, and spent four bloody years fighting each other during the Civil...

Cruz Awaits Poll Closings and News About Whether His Wife Will Be Ugly Another Four Years

FUCKFACE, TEXAS -- Canadian-born-Super-Texan-Cowboy-Elite-Ivy-League-Lawyer Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) told his staff this morning during a conference call and prayer session that he's "extremely nervous"...

Senate Republicans Fear Dems Will Smear Amy Coney Barrett With Her Own Actions, Words, and Religious Beliefs

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Next week, the Senate Judiciary Committee, under chairmanship from Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC), will begin the confirmation process of Judge Amy...

Cruz: “The Biden Rule Only Applies to Black Democrat Presidents”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- If one goes looking for the so-called "Biden Rule" in the United States Constitution, they'll spend a lot of time, but...

Hillary Clinton Assures Beto O’Rourke DNC Forcing Him on Everyone is Winning Strategy

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- On leftover official Democratic National Committee stationery she was still holding onto from the 2016 presidential election, former Secretary...

In Interviews on Fox News, Sinclair, and Bill O’Reilly’s Basement Podcast, Ted Cruz Says He Worries About Political Bias at Facebook

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This week, Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg testified before both the House and Senate in an effort to quell rising calls for...

Robert O’Rourke Pledges To Only Call His Opponent Rafael Or Zodiac For Remainder Of Campaign

LOS CHINGOS, TEXAS -- In the Lone Star State, a Senate race is heating up between two men vying for. After the primary in...
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