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Wednesday, May 31, 2023

Ted Nugent: “If George Lopez Wants to Joke About Killing Presidents, He Has to Mention His Machine Guns”

WASHED-UP HAS BEEN LAKE, MICHIGAN — Comedian George Lopez recently enraged pro-Trump Americans when he jokingly said on Instagram that he’d accept half the bounty Iranian authorities offered for killing President Donald Trump. During the funeral held for General Qasem Soleimani, whose assassination via drone strike was ordered by the president, a reward in the sum of $80 million was offered on Trump’s head. Most had likely suspected this kind of reaction would come from Iran after one of their top military officials was killed, however, Lopez enraged Trump’s supporters with his social media comment on a post about the bounty.

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Lopez, a comedian who had one of the longest-running sitcoms on television for many years, drew the ire of pro-Trump pundits and media outlets, despite the fact that Trump himself has seen his rhetoric defended by some as just jokes, as well.

Thus far, Mr. Lopez hasn’t offered any apologies or explanations for his joke. It’s unclear if the Secret Service will investigate Lopez’ joke at this time. However, the demand for them to do so is growing on pro-Trump social media feeds.

Ted Nugent, an alleged rock star turned NRA spokesdouche, has quite a bit of experience himself when it comes to joking about assassination. Nugent has famously quipped about killing two people who have won American presidential elections — Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton — though, thanks to the Electoral College, he’s only ever jokingly threatened one sitting president. Nugent was asked by a conservative talk radio host this morning to chime-in on Lopez’ joke about killing Trump, and he had nothing but criticism for the comedian.

“Well, first and foremost, I think it’s disgusting, coarsens our dialogue, and is frankly shows a deep disrespect for the office of the presidency,” Nugent told Skip Skatterly on W-KKK’s morning drive show this morning, “to joke about killing any president…so long as they’re a Republican. Casually joking about killing Democrats isn’t just funny, hilarious, and quite humorous, it’s a downright patriotic duty. So right off the bat, I’d say that Lopez should study party affiliations before making such a joke.”

What really unnerved Nugent about Lopez’s joke, however, was the fact that it didn’t “make a single reference to any firearm, much less a machine gun.” 

“How can you call it a joke when you don’t threaten to make them suck on your machine gun,” Nugent asked rhetorically. “It just seems like a really big mistake to claim you’re joking about killing a president without mentioning a gun even once. I’d say that if George Lopez wants to joke about killing presidents, he has to mention his machine guns. And if he doesn’t own any machine guns, he needs to either buy some before he makes the joke, or he needs to keep his mouth shut and not make any jokes about killing presidents.”

Nugent said that “luckily for Lopez,” he’s planning to start a workshop for people who want to make jokes about killing presidents. Mr. Nugent offered to waive the enrollment fee if Lopez agreed to be his comedy workshop’s first celebrity endorsement.

“George might be able to make it someday as a comedian if he takes my advice to heart, buys himself an arsenal of firearms, and uses them to make jokes about killing Democrats,” Nugent offered. “But he’s got to really buckle down and learn the basics, first. I can’t help him if he’s not willing to help himself, know what I mean? Now, if you’ll excuse me, I heard that Trump was starting a war and I reflexively shit my pants trying to get out of it.”

Reps for Mr. Lopez have not responded to Nugent’s offer at the time of publication.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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