Monday, May 17, 2021

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Texas AG Sues PA, MI, WI, and GA in the Supreme Court for Hurting Trump’s Feelings

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The United States Constitution is quite clear that individual states are the ones responsible for running their own elections. The federal government plays a role in ensuring American citizens’ rights aren’t violated by any states’ electoral processes, but ultimately each and every state in the union is given the authority to control their elections however they see fit, but that didn’t stop one state, Texas, from filing a lawsuit with the Supreme Court this week, seeking to invalidate the 2020 election results from Pennsylvania, Michigan, Wisconsin, and Georgia.

The Texas Tribune published a report on Texas’ suit.

Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton is suing four battleground states — Georgia, Michigan, Pennsylvania and Wisconsin — whose election results handed the White House to President-elect Joe Biden.

In the suit, he claims that pandemic-era changes to election procedures in those states violated federal law, and asks the U.S. Supreme Court to block the states from voting in the Electoral College. (Texas Tribune)

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Thus far, most legal scholars have scoffed at Paxton’s suit. It’s unclear why the Supreme Court would invalidate a state’s election results based on a lawsuit brought by a different state. Residents of the states sued by Texas would perhaps have legal standing to bring a lawsuit, but typically one state would not have any legal authority to sue another in such a way.

MORE: On Biden’s Inauguration Day, Trump Plans to Fill Air Force One With Supporters and Fly to Guyana

Mr. Paxton was not content to file just one lawsuit with the Supreme Court, however. Just minutes ago, it was reported that Texas has officially filed one more suit, alleging that Pennsylvania, Michigan, Wisconsin, and Georgia, all “gravely and perhaps mortally wounded Dear President’s feelings.” The suit argues having his feelings hurt may have “inflicted a mortal wound on his ego.”

“The Constitution, for some strange reason, does not make any mention of the necessity to protect a fragile president’s even more delicate emotional state,” Paxton’s latest suit reads, “but that doesn’t prevent this court from stepping in and doing what the Founders simply failed to do. Indeed, Plaintiffs feel this lack of foresight proves beyond a shadow of any doubt that the Founders were, in all likelihood a bunch of Never Trumpers, and therefore in the interest of fairness, this court simply must invalidate these states’ elections, and instead simply declare President Trump the winner.”

While most experts we talked to said they didn’t think the president’s allies would have any more luck with these two new suits as the nearly 50 others that have been rejected wholesale from every court that has heard them, they also say they don’t think Trump will stop these Hail Mary attempts to steal the election any time soon, either.

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“If this court does not remedy the situation and declare Dear President the winner, the United States will see Joe Biden sworn-in,” the suit claims, “and then we all might as well die of socialism. We’ll also be thrust into the middle of a Constitutional crisis, because no rich white man in this country has ever been denied something he, like, really, really wants.”

In less than a week, states will certify their results, and by January 6th, Congress will affirm the results, and Joe Biden will be sworn-in on January 20th, 2021.

ALSO: Trump Campaign Legal Team to Ask Supreme Court to Set Aside Election, Constitution, Democracy

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

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