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Wednesday, December 8, 2021

Pregnant Texas Woman Sues Ex-Boyfriend for Child Support

GILEAD, TEXAS — In a case that might send reverberations throughout the Lone Star State and other red states that have passed similarly restrictive abortion bans in their state, a pregnant woman living in Texas has sued her ex-boyfriend. The woman, 27 year old Isabel Morales, is seeking child support, which in and of itself isn’t so newsworthy.

However, Morales hasn’t given birth yet, which makes this story quite unique. Citing her state’s new six-week abortion ban, Ms. Morales is asking the court to award her the same kind of compensation she would be entitled to if the eleven-week old fetus in her uterus had already been carried to full term and born. Many women can’t or don’t know they are pregnant until after the six week timeframe codified by the new Texas law. Isabel just found out she was pregnant herself a couple of days ago, and ordinarily would have terminated the pregnancy.

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“Matt was a piece of shit. A total piece of shit. It’s why I broke up with him. He kept writing shitty fact check articles for that Danny Bongino guy, the one who couldn’t win his congressional elections and had to become Roid Rage Rush Limbaugh,” Isabel explained during a Skype call with us. “I never, ever would have wanted to make babies with that sack of stupid, but I was thinking that giving new things a try would be good for me. Definitely learned that proto fascism and white nationalism is not my cup of tea.”

Despite knowing that she would never want to have Matt’s baby, but also knowing her state doesn’t give her the option of an abortion, Morales decided that she needed to protect the future of the unwanted and unplanned offspring in her womb, regardless.

“So I contacted a lawyer, and asked if there’s any provision in the law that says I can’t sue Matt for child support, you know, because the organism in my belly is so totes legit a full-fledged baby and all,” Isabel said. “She told me that as far as she could tell, there aren’t any such restrictions, so we decided to test our legal theory and sue Matt for child support. For my fetus.”

The first hearing in this case is scheduled for two weeks, and this story will be updated as the trial proceeds.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

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James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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