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Sunday, March 26, 2023

Congressman Furious Peter Strzok Held Same Opinion of Trump Most People Have

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Republican Congressman Tom Thompaulsen is absolutely livid after watching the all-day, joint House Judiciary and Oversight hearing with FBI Agent Peter Strzok, and he’s not going to hold his tongue about it, he said.

Mr. Strzok is at the center of a firestorm of right-wing media and political attacks after it was discovered earlier this year that, while assigned to Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s investigation into Russian interference in the 2016 election, he sent extremely anti-Trump texts to another agent he was carrying on an extramarital affair with. During yesterday’s hearing, which lasted several hours and often devolved into partisan shouting, Republican congressional representatives hammered Strzok for those texts, despite Mr. Strzok himself quoting FBI guidelines that actually encourage political viewpoints being expressed. 

Rep. Thompaulsen said that Strzok “clearly cannot be trusted” if he is going to hold and opinion of President Trump that “matches up with 65-70% of the populace.”

“How dare that man have an opinion that matches up with 65-70% of the populace,” Thompaulsen howled while being interviewed by conservative talk radio host Jack Jackson. “It’s just completely outrageous that the FBI would hire people who don’t value our president enough to ignore his multiple obvious white collar crimes, self-dealing, and violations of government ethics guidelines!”

Strzok has no “right to have a thought” that Mr. Trump doesn’t want him to have, Thompaulsen said.

“What gives that man the right to have a thought that President Trump didn’t approve of? Come one, give me a break, he’s acting like he took an oath to protect a document that literally gives every human being the right to say and think what they want to,” Thompaulsen complained. “What a cuck!”

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The Constitution provides no safe quarter for Strzok, Tompaulsen said.

“The First Amendment is totally worthless if it means someone can think the person they’re investigating is a piece of shit if they say things and act like a piece of shit,” Thompaulsen said. “We all know the Constitution says cops have to genuinely think their suspects are warm, wonderful people or the charges aren’t valid!”

Rep. Thompaulsen kept expressing confusion at how Strzok could even come to the conclusions about President Trump that he shared with Ms. Page and others.

“Wait, so this guy sees a man who is deeply in debt to Russian oligarchs, desperate for power and fame, has people on his team that are Russian spies and plants,” Thompaulsen posited, “and he sees that as a problem? Why does he get to agree with literally billions of people on this planet?”

Mr. Strzok was not reached for comment on this story.

James‘ satire is found on: The Political Garbage Chute; HuffPostAlternative Science, Alternative Facts, Not Really.NewsThe Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts, and Modern Liberals

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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