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Thursday, September 21, 2023

President Trump Says Billy Bush Doesn’t Exist And Is A Chinese Hoax

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Today, as he left for Salt Lake City, Utah to address leaders of the Mormon church, President Donald Trump said he feels badly for Michael Flynn, his former National Security Adviser, who is in a boatload of legal hot water.

Flynn was arrested and plead guilty to a count of lying to the FBI in connection to Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s investigation into Russian interference in the 2016 presidential election. Just as he ducked into the limousine to take him to the airport and onto Air Force One, Trump also gave some continued remarks on the so-called “Access Hollywood Tape.”

In the tape, which was leaked to the press last October, Mr. Trump is heard speaking to Billy Bush, a former host and correspondent on Access Hollywood and several other people present. The audio was recording while a video camera took exterior shots of Trump and Bush riding a bus. Mr. Trump can be heard saying several things he would later deem as purely “locker room talk,” but perhaps the most infamous line from the entire tape came when Trump said that women let him “grab them by the pussy” because he is rich and famous.

Mr. Trump reportedly has told people, despite apologizing for the remarks during the campaign last year, that he believes the tape was doctored or altered. However, in a stinging op-ed printed in The New York Times over the weekend, Bush — who was fired from the show in the wake of the tape’s release — said in no uncertain terms it’s real and Trump said everything on the tape. Bush said he and the other crew members on the bus thought Trump was doing a “crass stand-up routine.”

Of course he said it. And we laughed along, without a single doubt that this was hypothetical hot air from America’s highest-rated bloviator. Along with Donald Trump and me, there were seven other guys present on the bus at the time, and every single one of us assumed we were listening to a crass standup act. (NYT)

RELATED: Anthony Scaramucci Publishes “Not Much Happened,” A Memoir Of His Time In The White House

“I just want you all to know that Billy Bush is fake news,” Trump yelled at the press pool. “And I don’t mean he spews fake news, which he also does. I mean that he is literal fake news. He doesn’t exist. He’s a made up person, and Crooked Hillary knows it.”

Stunned, the press asked Trump for clarification.

“Billy Bush is part of a Chinese hoax, just like climate change,” Trump said. “Any pictures you see of him? Fake. Any words he writes for the FAILING JEW YORK (I SAID IT!) TIMES? Totally fake.”

The producers of Access Hollywood told press outlets today that if Bush wasn’t real, they’ll have some serious questions from the IRS to handle.  Mr. Bush issued a brief statement in response to Trump’s claim that he does not exist.

“The only people more delusional than President Donald Trump are the people who voted for him and still think he’s going to do a good job,” Bush’s statement reads. “All six of them.”

More satire:

Trump Calls Hillary And Asks If She’d Like To Be President After All

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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