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Saturday, June 3, 2023

Trump Pressured Raffensperger to Help Him Find 15 More States to Count Votes From

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Outgoing President Donald Trump is not what most experts would consider “good” at most things he attempts; unless he can cheat to “win” them. One thing Trump is perhaps the least good at doing is hiding his absolute desperation to ignore and overturn his loss to Joe Biden last November.

This weekend, a phone call between Trump and Brad Raffensperger, Georgia’s Secretary of State leaked, revealing just how hard the lame duck president pressured Mr. Raffensperger to throw the election his way. The Washington Post broke the story and published not only the full audio of the call, but also a full transcript, revealing Trump’s demands that Raffensperger help him “find 11,780 votes,” which would give him one more than Biden’s certified total. Throughout the call, Raffensperger told Trump his numbers were false, and defended the actual, certified vote tallies, which he reminded the one-term-no-matter-what president that had been recounted more than once by hand.

RELATED: After Biden is Sworn In, Trump Will Be The 45th Most Intelligent Former President Ever

Now, word has just broken that Trump placed a second call to Raffensperger over the weekend. This time, however, President Trump’s demand was even more outlandish. Apparently, Mr. Trump believes Raffensperger “has a duty” to help him locate 15 additional states that he can count votes from.

“Don’t we have, like, twenty or so states we keep in our back pockets for situations like these, Brad? Isn’t that what I’ve heard,” Trump asked on the second call. “I heard we actually have close to 80 states, but that we only count 50 for tax purposes, isn’t that true, Brad?”

Raffensperger insisted that the president’s numbers “are off” and that there are in fact only 50 states in the United States of America.

“BULLSHIT, BRAD! That is, I’m sorry, total bullshit,” Trump said. “There’s like a New East Dakota, and an East Oregon that nobody ever talks about, but they are there, Brad! I was told by my people those stats exist, Brad. Now, help me find those states, because we have to count their votes and certify them before it’s too late and we’re forced to abide be the real results!”

Joe Biden will become the 46th President of the United States on January 20th, 2021, no matter what Trump says, does, thinks, or tantrums about.

RELATED: Trump Looking Forward to Spending Less Time With ‘Homewrecker’ Jared Kushner


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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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