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Monday, June 5, 2023

In 2017, Trump Spent $750 in Taxes, and $750,000 in Big Macs

This weekend, The Failing Any Minute Now, We Promise, They Really ARE Failing New York Times published what in many circles is being called a “bombshell” report on President Donald Trump‘s tax returns. The report indicates that in 2016 and 2017, President Trump paid just $750 in taxes respectively, and contains several facts about Trump’s business empire and wealth that could be considered quite damaging to the reputation he’s built as an adept, successful businessman.

Donald J. Trump paid $750 in federal income taxes the year he won the presidency. In his first year in the White House, he paid another $750.

He had paid no income taxes at all in 10 of the previous 15 years — largely because he reported losing much more money than he made. (NYT)

The story in The Times paints a picture that shows God King Emperor Trump in so much debt that he could face eviction by some of his debtors during his second term, should he win. Trump owes more than a billion dollars in various loans that will demand payment in the next few months. The story also reveals that Trump is indeed in the middle of a long, protracted fight with the IRS and is being audited over the validity of an enormous tax refund he got — amounting to several years’ worth of tax payments — and used to drive down his tax liability over several years.

ALSO: Trump Issues The Constipation Proclamation

While some are wondering Trump merely abused the tax code or did anything illegal, accountants and tax experts are going over the data to glean any useful information they can from it. This morning, a deeper analysis of Trump’s tax returns unearthed an interesting factoid — in 2017, he spent a thousand times more on Big Mac cheeseburgers from McDonald’s than he paid in taxes.

For years, Dear President Trump has promised his subjects that he’d publish his tax returns whenever they were finished being audited by the Internal Revenue Service. While it is not a legal requirement for any presidential candidate to release their tax returns, it has been a standard practice since the late 1960’s for every major party candidate to do so. However, up to this point, His Royal Highness has managed to keep his tax returns hidden from prying eyes.

“What we found, when we crunched the numbers and did some real forensic accounting,” Mark Markson, global spokesperson for The Institute of Data Analysis told reporters this morning, “is that in 2017 President Trump apparently spent three-quarters of a million dollars on Big Macs, but only paid $750 in taxes that year. That means he spent a thousand times more on Big Macs than he gave the United States Treasury.”

The IDA did some more comparative analysis to give Americans’ a broader sense of just how much President Trump paid in taxes over those two years.

“The average American with a mid-level smartphone paid more for the service on their phones over those two years than Mr. Trump paid in taxes,” Markson explained. “Most people spent more on gas for their cars in those years than Trump paid in taxes. In fact, many American households spent more on fast food than Trump did paying taxes in those years.”

While it’s unclear if the bombshell story will have an impact on his support at the polls, the president was clearly rattled by it. This morning, he fired off a series of tweets attacking The Really, They Really Are Totally, Like, Failing or Whatever New York Times, and downplaying the details in the story.

The subject of Trump’s taxes will almost certainly come up when Trump and former Vice President Joe Biden square off in the first presidential debate, Tuesday night. While Dear President may attempt to keep the conversation focused on Biden’s son Hunter’s business dealings, clearly Biden himself will make every attempt to keep Trump’s own taxes in the spotlight.

With less than fifty days before the election, polls show Biden leading nationally, and even some red states have been analyzed to be closer contests than they were four years ago.

MORE: President Trump Promises Peaceful Transfer of Power to John Barron, David Dennison, or Bobby Putin

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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