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Monday, June 5, 2023

Trump Thinks Black Athletes ‘Pose a Bigger Threat to American Security Than Nazis’

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump today lashed out via Twitter several times against players in the National Football League who decided to kneel during, or not even participate in some cases in the National Anthem ceremony before kickoff. On Friday night, Trump stirred up controversy yet again when, at a political rally for a man he’s been campaigning hard for in a Republican Alabama Senate primary, he said that he believes NFL owners should fire coaches and players who don’t stand up for the anthem.

“Wouldn’t you love to see one of these NFL owners, when somebody disrespects our flag, to say, ‘get that son of a bitch off the field right now — he’s fired,’” Trump said at a rally in Alabama for Republican Sen. Luther Strange.

He added, “We’re proud of our country, and we’re proud of our flag.” (Politico)

Sunday morning, Trump let out a tirade via Twitter on the subject once more.

Later, as he was finishing his second bowl of nachos while watching a game, Trump tripled down on his rhetoric, comparing footballers who kneel to neo-Nazi groups.

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“Folks, it’s time to just face facts,” Trump told reporters in the Oval Office for a photo op, “black athletes pose a bigger threat to American security than neo-Nazis.”

The room fell into stunned silence. Trump, not sensing it, continued.

“It’s like this,” Trump said, “Certain members of my base are really off-put by what black people do in general. To them, it wouldn’t matter if a black man stood in the middle of the street and shot an abortion doctor, they’d still not trust the black man who did the shooting. So you can imagine how irritated they get when they see these rich black men who have more money than they do doing things that they think disrespect our country, right?”

Trump, dipping a deep fried log of spam in chocolate sauce, continued.

“The truth is that black athletes pose such a danger to America because they make a few million agitated white people feel like the world revolves around them even less,” Trump said, “and when these people get too antsy, they start getting their guns out. Which is fine, because we all know the right way to protest your government is to take over some federal land and point a bunch of your guns at law enforcement officials, not taking a knee quietly three minutes before a sports game.”

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The president sympathizes with Americans who feel genuinely threatened by a black man quietly dropping to one knee and not saying a single word.

“Frankly, I get why they’d be worried and unnerved by a bunch of people quietly and calmly dropping to one knee,” Trump said, “because I mean, you just never know. Football is a violent game. What if one of those urbans goes feral and attacks someone? Say what you will about neo-Nazis, but outside of running over protesters with cars and violently attacking counter-protesters, what kind of danger do they pose to us, really?”

Trump said that if the NFL doesn’t do something soon about this growing trend, he may be forced to.

“We all know that what Republicans love doing the most is telling private companies how they should treat their employees,” Trump said, “so that’s what I intend to do. I will order my staff to go over to where they keep the Constitution and take a white-out marker to the First Amendment and just write in, ‘You can only do what President Donny wants you to.’ I swear to fuckin’ God guys, I’ll do it!”

Mr. Trump tried again to explain his feelings on the subject.

“It’s like this, okay? If a neo-Nazi shows up somewhere, sure people will be upset and it’ll be offensive, to some people,” Trump said, ‘but if a black athlete says or does something a bunch of white people don’t like, it’s sure to cause a big stir. So you know, again, I gotta say, they’re worse. Way worse. Totally the worst people ever. For kneeling. Absolutely. That makes sense to normal people.”

This story is developing.

This story first appeared on The Political Garbage Chute.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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