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Wednesday, December 8, 2021

Trump Launches “Truth Social” and OJ Simpson Launches “Not for Murderers Social”

SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA — This morning, Facebook and Twitter executives woke up to not just one, but two new, separate competitors in the social media market. One site has the backing and endorsement of one of the most notorious and blatant criminals ever to skate on charges that he was most definitely guilty of, and the other is backed by former football player and convicted felon OJ Simpson.

Truth Social, started by former one term, twice forever impeached President Donald Trump is aimed at giving a digital home to disgruntled social media users who are tired of being told Facebook and Twitter don’t want to act like virtual klan rallies for them. Trump’s new site, which will be publicly traded, promises to deliver the special MAGA brand of truth to each and every user. Chief Technology Officer Eric “Made a Boom-Boom In My Pants” Trump, excitedly promoted his daddy’s new venture on OAN this morning.

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“Jack, this thing is gonna be the biggest and most greatest thing to happen on the Internet since you showed up to that protest with the RAPE MELANIA sign and pretended to be a Democrat,” Trump told OAN host Jack Posobiec.

“Daddy’s gonna do to social media what he did to the steak game. He’s gonna do to social media what he did to the casino game. He’s gonna do to the social media game what he did to the only being impeached a maximum of one time in a single term game! It’s gonna be so great. The kinds of truths you’ll see on Truth Social the libtards won’t let you see just because we don’t have evidence and what we say gets people hurt, sick, or killed-ed!”

Over on Not for Murderers Social, OJ Simpson promises that his social media site will “cater to people who for sure are definitely not murderers.”

“This social media site is going to be the number one destination for people who for sure did not kill anyone. Last night, our chief tester, Derek Chauvin, told us that he was very impressed by our site. Can’t wait to slay you all with Not for Murderers Social,” Simpson said through a spokesperson.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

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James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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