49 F
Los Angeles
Tuesday, January 31, 2023

Man Unsure If Critical Race Theory, Cancel Culture, or White Supremacist Violence Biggest Threat

STUPID MORON TOWN, TEXAS — Greg Palumbo is, by his own admission a “complete and total fucking idiot.” Mr. Palumbo’s official idiocy has been certified and licensed by the National Board of Judging Someone’s Stupidity.

Greg shows his lack of mental prowess in many ways. He was hospitalized and nearly died last year when he took another famous moron’s advice and tried to inject bleach right before he attempted to shove a UV light up his rectum to fight COVID, which he was diagnosed with after he and his family held a reunion during the height of the pandemic. He set fire to $8,000 worth of Nike merchandise he’d already purchased to protest Colin Kaepernick making him have to think about whether black people should expect to be murdered by every cop they interact with. Mr. Palumbo also believes that it’s possible Joe Biden and the Democrats stole the election from Donald Trump.

MCCONNELL: REPUBLICANS SHOULDN’T LOSE ELECTIONS JUST BECAUSE THEY GET FEWER VOTES

“I’m a big fucking idiot, in other words,” Palumbo told us via Skype. “Just a casual scroll through my Parler feed would prove my bonafides in that regard.”

During our conversation, Palumbo spoke about a conundrum he’s currently facing, and spoke to his podcast audience about.

“I was talking about critical race theory, and how it’s a discussion of American racism that is a threat to America,” Palumbo said, “and it hit me that maybe cancel culture is actually MORE dangerous than critical race theory. After all, I can’t turn on the TV without hearing some Republican congressman or another telling me how dangerous it is, so it must be really, really dangerous if they won’t shut up about it.”

As he was trying to figure it out, Palumbo happened to be watching a news report on white nationalist domestic terrorists. When it was over, he realized that he was perhaps even more confused than before.

“So wait, there are thousands of gunned-up white supremacists who think it’s their duty to murder Americans when they lose elections,” Palumbo asked. “Crap. That sounds like terrorism to me. And I know terrorists are the biggest threat to America, or at least they were when Bush was in office. Son of a bitch! I can’t choose!”

Mr. Palumbo said he’s “torn” between what really poses the greatest threat to the peace and stability of the nation.

“I mean, critical race theory is just a thought process, and cancel culture is an idea, but the white nationalists are actual people with actual guns and actual plans to kill people,” Palumbo wondered aloud. “Shit. This is really hard.”

Palumbo says when he figures out the answer to his question, he’ll update everyone.

MAGA SUPPORTER THINKS JUNETEENTH IS THE DAY TRUMP WILL BE REINSTATED

Become a Patron!

Follow James on Instagram.
Subscribe to James’ Patreon for ad-free satire.


 

Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
Latest news
Related news

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Science/Tech

Editorial

Popular categories

Archive