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Thursday, June 1, 2023

Vito Corelone Outraged His Lawyer Secretly Taped Their Meetings

STATEN ISLAND, NEW YORK — When it was discovered that The New York Times had copies of clandestine tapes recorded by the attorney for Genco Olive Oil Company CEO Vito Corleone, sources say the business magnate became irate.

Law enforcement has long suspected that Corleone might have connections to organized crime, but have never been able to find a way to make charges stick. While the rumors of Mr. Corleone having some sort of mob ties are mostly just speculation, the existence of tapes made by his lawyer, presumably while in consult with Corleone as a client, could certainly complicate things for Genco and its chief executive.

In an early morning tweet, Mr. Corleone blasted his lawyer and indicated that the tape The New York Times has might be altered or doctored.

“What kind of a lawyer would tape a client? So sad! Is this a first,” Corleone tweeted, “never heard of it before? Why was the tape so abruptly terminated (cut) while I was presumably saying positive things? I hear there are other clients and many reporters that are taped – can this be so? Too bad!:

Vito Corleone’s tweet, is seen below:

“The only lawyer who does this, is a lawyer who doesn’t trust his client won’t roll over on him,” Corleone would later tweet. “Doesn’t he trust me?!”

According to Vito, a “man of [his] business acumen” needs to have a lawyer he can “trust to never turn on him.” 

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“But my attorney just threw me under the bus! Me, a normal, average, run of the mill job creating American entrepreneur,” Corleone tweeted. “Can you believe this? What kind of a world are we living in when a boss can’t depend on his consigliere to not tape their conversations? If I’d known he was wearing a wire, he’d be sleeping with some fishes right about now.”

Corleone is currently facing several charges, including criminal obstruction of justice. Despite the investigation into Genco Olive Oil resulting in over a dozen indictments, Mr. Corleone calls the charges “fake news” and a “witch hunt.” 

“Why was an FBI agent who thinks I might be a criminal allowed to investigate me? Whatever happened to the idea of innocent even when proven guilty,” Corleone asked his twitter followers.

This is a developing story.
James‘ satire is found on: The Political Garbage Chute; HuffPostAlternative Science, Alternative Facts, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts, and Modern Liberals

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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