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Tuesday, January 31, 2023

Weed Declared “Pretty Cool” By Association of Music and Food Fans

The Association of Music and Food Fans, a consortium of people who love both recorded music and food, has awarded one of its highest honors to weed, known more broadly as, “marijuana.” At their annual retreat the AMAFF executive board voted unanimously to give weed its “Pretty Cool” award.

“This award means that we think weed is pretty cool,” AMAFF Executive Chair Helen Winterbottom told us.

Each year, the AMAFF gives out the award to people, places, and things they find “enhance our lives in a pretty neat” way. There are several criteria for being awarded the prize, Winterbottom said, and often spirited debates will break out among the board members over just who, where, or what should receive the Pretty Cool Award. But this year, she told us, the executives took almost no time at all deciding that weed was worthy of adulation.

“Let’s face it,” Winterbottom said, “weed isn’t a miracle drug. It’s not curing your cancer. But if you’re wanting to be creative, relieve stress, reduce anxiety, or even make your Beatles records sound better and your Rocky Road ice cream to taste sweeter, then weed’s gonna get you there, which we think, yeah, makes it pretty cool.”

The AMAFF believes that marijuana “greatly enhances the cool-itude and awesome-ocity of anything you eat.” AMAFF also said in its statement of congratulations to marijuana that they are “richly rewarded” whenever they listen to Daft Punk, The Beatles, or Rush Limbaugh radio shows backwards while using weed. College study sessions were also “insanely better” thanks to weed, AMAFF proposed.

Ms. Winterbottom provided us with a list that the AMAFF executive board compiled of marijuana’s traits that make it a Pretty Cool award winner.

  • Family gatherings go much quicker and you can handle the inane blathering of your crazy, Tea Party uncle when you ingest enough marijuana.
  • Questionable Olympic sports like curling become far more entertaining and riveting athletic competitions when you are “high AF.”
  • Pretzel M&M’s and nacho cheese are suitable sex toys when you’re experimenting with the wacky tobacky.
  • Guilt over late night Amazon Prime purchases magically dissipates the moment your lips hit that bong.
  • Marijuana instantly makes any Taylor Swift song listenable.
  • Weed can immediately turn any “small government” Republican into a tyrannical, racist despot
  • Pot naps are pretty kind.
  • Finishing satirical stories about marijuana is far less important when you’re high on marijuana

All winners of the Association of Music and Food Fans’ Pretty Cool Award receive a gift card to Denny’s and an Apple IIe personal home computer.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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