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Saturday, June 3, 2023

White House: Kavanaugh Confirmation ‘100 Percent’ Tells Sexual Assault Victims They’re Less Important Than Trump Agenda

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Junior Deputy Press Secretary Tom Thompaulsen admitted to reporters this week, in an effort to defend the Brett Kavanaugh confirmation debacle that embroiled President Trump’s Supreme Court Nominee in credible allegations of multiple acts of sexual impropriety, that rushing the confirmation through sends a message to survivors of sexual assault.

Thompaulsen told reporters that even though the Trump White House has “sent out several memos” demanding loyalty from all Americans, there are still some in the country who are “not on board” with Kavanaugh’s confirmation, and Mr. Trump wanted him to allay some fears and explain a few things.

“Look,  it might seem that we’re telling sexual assault survivors that our agenda is more important than they are,” Thompaulsen told reporters during a press conference at the White House, “and we are saying that!”‘

Jr. Deputy Secretary Thompaulsen paused, then continued.

“We’re also telling women that men are more important than they are and I think that’s important too,” Thompaulsen said.

Justice Brett Kavanaugh was confirmed by the slimmest margin in the Senate of any nominee in over 65 years. 

James‘ satire is found on: The Political Garbage Chute; HuffPostAlternative Science, Alternative Facts, Not Really.NewsThe Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts, and Modern Liberals

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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