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Saturday, June 3, 2023

Let These White Sports Fans Show You The RIGHT Way to Use The First Amendment

The country is seemingly at each other’s throats these days over whether or not the First Amendment to our founding document — this thing we’re told is called the “Constitution” — really meant it when it said that peaceful protest is lawful. For many years, it’s been just assumed that everyone has a right to freedom of expression, so long as that expression doesn’t incite violence, or isn’t violent itself. However, for many Americans, seeing black football players silently take a knee during the playing of the Star Spangled Banner before NFL games is a bridge too far, and they’re fighting mad about it.

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As it turns out, after doing loads and scads and oodles of research, that perhaps black football players are just simply doing it wrong. Instead of silently dropping to one knee to protest something silly like the extrajudicial execution of people of color in their communities, NFL players, especially…you know…THOSE kinds…should just take a page out of these folks’ books. When white people burn and overturn cop cars, break windows, and generally destroy property, they’re not rioting or breaking the law.

They’re celebrating. Nothing is more American, and nothing embodies freedom of expression and speech, quite like a celebration, don’t you agree? Of course you do. So if you know any uppity black people in your life that just will not shut up about police brutality, the rule of law, or due process, show them these videos and tell them you’re going to test them on it. Let’s just take a look at a few of the most notable instances of white people doing the First Amendment completely right.


Boston Red Sox Fans Celebrate Winning the World Series

Los Angeles Lakers Fans Celebrate Winning the NBA Finals

Chicago Blackhawks Fan Help Roll a Police Truck Over After Winning the NHL’s Stanley Cup

Vancouver Hockey Fans Celebrate/Riot Their Team Winning The Big Game

And now, more on respecting the flag and anthem, from our friends at The Political Garbage Chute.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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