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Sunday, January 29, 2023

Woman Refuses to Apologize for Her Tomi Lahren Halloween Costume

ARROYO FALLS, MICHIGAN — Another Halloween season has come and gone, and not without its usual dose of costume-related controversy and kerfuffles.

Right-wing firebrand commentator and Fox News contributing racist Tomi Lahren came under fire from the left for her costume choice this year. Ms. Limberger chose to dress as Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. Some accused her of engaging in the style of race baiting that has garnered Tamale quite a bit of fame and notoriety. She batted those concerns away, however.

“I’m sorry libtards, but I was just trying to see what it felt like dressing up as someone who is young and accomplished in something other than self-aggrandizing and screeching racist propaganda at Boomers and their idiot kids and grandkids,” Lamppost told Fox News viewers the day after Halloween. “I wasn’t culturally appropriating jack! I was making fun of your side for embracing science and education instead of guns, bacon grease, and Jesus!”

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In a bit of a twist, though, Ms. Listeria announced that she was filing a $15 million lawsuit against a woman in Michigan for what she says was a “flagrant insult” and, more importantly Triscuit says, a “major copyright infringement.” The suit alleges that 32 year old Michigan resident Meghan Cole violated Lahren’s intellectual property rights when Cole went to a Halloween party dressed as “Tuberculosis Lahren’s Inner Self.”

“A lot of people got it right away,” Cole told us via Skype. “Everyone kept coming up to me and saying, ‘Hey, cool costume! You’re that vapid twunt from Fox News that thinks her racism is clever and unique, aren’t you?’ or ‘Sweet Tomi Liar costume, dude!’ It was probably my favorite Halloween ever.”

Meghan decided to go as the Fox News blonde muppet when she went to the costume store and couldn’t quite find anything that inspired her. Then, her friends found a costume they all agreed looked exactly like Lahren.

“It was weird because they called it something else,” Cole said, “but the likeness to Tammy Lasagna was uncanny and undeniable. We knew right away I had to buy the costume and wear it all the parties I went to Halloween night. I was a big hit!”

Cole says that when she posted pictures of herself in her costume to Instagram, she wasn’t expecting Tomtom Lamborghini to even see them, much less for her end up being “so triggered she sued.” Ms. Cole says the lawsuit indicates if he apologizes to Lahren and promises to ‘vote MAGA” in next year’s election, Thrombosis would consider dropping it altogether.

“Ms. Cole did deliberately hurt the Plaintiff’s extremely delicate feelings and sensibilities,” the lawsuit states, “and for that grave insult, surely the Defendant must pay bigly. Further, Defendant clearly used th intellectual property that is Plaintiff’s looks and inner thoughts, causing potential financial harm to Plaintiff’s brand. However, if Defendant is willing to apologize profusely and promise to vote MAGA next year, Plaintiff will strongly consider dropping this suit.”

But Meghan says “Tillamook Licketysplit can eat all the dicks,” and she won’t be issuing any such apology.

“It was just a costume, chill out,” Meghan says she’ll tell Lahren in her response to the suit. “Don’t be so triggered, Timmy. I mean, I’m sorry I hurt her feelings, but also? Fuck her feelings. That’s how it’s supposed to work, right? They don’t respect anyone else’s feelings, so why should I respect theirs?”

As popular as Meghan’s costume was, she does think she could have enhanced it, to make it more accurate.

“I should have rolled around in diarrhea and shame, and then I’d even smell like Tiddlywink,” Meghan admitted. “Oh well, there’s always next year. I might just buy a burlap sack and fill it with maggots so I can be Laura Ingraham. I’m not sure. I’ll figure it out. I have a whole year to decide.”

Attorneys for Ms. Limpbizkit could not reached for comment.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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