Tuesday, September 21, 2021

African Farmer Will Trade MAGAs His Livestock Drugs for COVID Vaccines

SUDAN — Amani Mahmoud and his family have been farming in Sudan for generations, and he is quite proud of that heritage. Recently, Amani made headlines when he decided to offer Americans who, in his words, are, “pro-MAGA and anti-science and common sense” a trade.

“I will give you, the MAGAs, some of the drugs I give my sheep for worms,” Amani is seen in a since-deleted YouTube video, “but in return you must send me the COVID-19 vaccine you are quaintly denying yourselves. If that sounds like a good deal to you, please, feel free to reach out to me here.”

IVANKA: “I KNOW FOR A FACT DADDY COULD PULL-OUT BETTER”

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Sudan is like many African countries. Less than 2% of the Sudanese population has been vaccinated against COVID so far, with access to the vaccines being the biggest hurdle thus far. When Amani heard the news that some Americans were resorting to taking livestock medicines to fight the virus once they contracted it, he got an idea.

“I’ve been treating my livestock for ailments all my life. Never would I have thought that someone would trade me a sheep drug for a human drug a sheeple doesn’t want to take,” Amani laughed. “All because some D-list reality TV game show conman’s junior cult leaders don’t want you to, so you can take one of their therapeutic drugs instead. It’s insane, but I have no problem benefiting from your insanity.”

Interestingly, it’s Amani’s experience working with sick livestock that made him trust COVID vaccines.

“Science is a wonderful thing. It has given our farm the chance to keep several sick animals alive,” Amani explained. “We have cow vaccines and pig vaccines, and if you ask me if some cowish and piggy people don’t want their vaccines, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with giving them what they do want in exchange for them. I just don’t want to die from a disease I can keep myself from getting in the first place.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

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