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James Schlarmann 
Tomi Lahren to Release List of Acceptable Ways for Black People to Protest Abuse
BROKE WIND MOUNTAIN, CALIFORNIA — From a secluded cabin in the mountains of Southern ...
Trump Signs Executive Order Demanding Facebook and Twitter Make Him Look Attractive and Competent
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump proved his small-government, traditionally conservative values today when ...
Trump Demands Twitter Give Alternative Fact-Checks to Democrat Tweets
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump is not pleased at all that Twitter slapped ...
Twitter Won’t Pull Down Trump’s Tweets About Fucking Jack Dorsey’s Mom
SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA — Twitter has officially declined to pull down tweets sent ...
Cornelius Fudge Says Coronavirus Seems Well Contained and Magical Economy Can Re-Open ‘Immediately’
ENGLAND, THE WIZARD WORLD — Former Minister of Magic Cornelius Fudge gave an interview ...
Ratcliffe Confirmed as Director of National Unintelligence
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Just hours ago, Congressman John Ratcliffe of Texas received the most ...
Biden Commits to Unveiling Trump Presidential Portrait in Nearby Landfill
Former Vice President Joe Biden announced today that if he wins the election this ...
Trump On Why He Votes By Mail But Doesn’t Want Anyone Else To: “It’s Good to Be President”
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Goodly King Emperor Donald J. Trump casts his royal ballot in ...
Eric Trump Says Mail-In Ballots ‘Unfairly Silence’ Women Voters
NEW YORK, NEW YORK — Despite the fact that he is a mail-in voter ...
Obama Gives Biden Access Codes for FEMA Camps and Stockpile of Confiscated Guns
SECRET SHARIA DUNGEON, THE LITERAL HELL — During their weekly ritualistic sacrifice of a ...
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