James Schlarmann

Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

Ratcliffe Confirmed as Director of National Unintelligence

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Just hours ago, Congressman John Ratcliffe of Texas received the most ...

Biden Commits to Unveiling Trump Presidential Portrait in Nearby Landfill

Former Vice President Joe Biden announced today that if he wins the election this ...

Obama Gives Biden Access Codes for FEMA Camps and Stockpile of Confiscated Guns

SECRET SHARIA DUNGEON, THE LITERAL HELL — During their weekly ritualistic sacrifice of a ...

White House Admits It’s Been Feeding Trump Cheeseburgers and Calling Them Hydroxychloroquine

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Yesterday, President Trump dropped quite a bombshell on the American people. ...

Paramount Sues Space Force for Trademark Infringement

HOLLYWOO, CALIFORNIA — Paramount Studios has filed a lawsuit against the Space Force, alleging ...

Trump Says “Obamagate” Used to Be Called ‘Being Black’

WASHINGTON, D.C. — What, exactly, is “Obamagate?” To be sure, it’s something that King ...