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James Schlarmann 
Cornelius Fudge Says Coronavirus Seems Well Contained and Magical Economy Can Re-Open ‘Immediately’
ENGLAND, THE WIZARD WORLD — Former Minister of Magic Cornelius Fudge gave an interview ...
Ratcliffe Confirmed as Director of National Unintelligence
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Just hours ago, Congressman John Ratcliffe of Texas received the most ...
Biden Commits to Unveiling Trump Presidential Portrait in Nearby Landfill
Former Vice President Joe Biden announced today that if he wins the election this ...
Trump On Why He Votes By Mail But Doesn’t Want Anyone Else To: “It’s Good to Be President”
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Goodly King Emperor Donald J. Trump casts his royal ballot in ...
Eric Trump Says Mail-In Ballots ‘Unfairly Silence’ Women Voters
NEW YORK, NEW YORK — Despite the fact that he is a mail-in voter ...
Obama Gives Biden Access Codes for FEMA Camps and Stockpile of Confiscated Guns
SECRET SHARIA DUNGEON, THE LITERAL HELL — During their weekly ritualistic sacrifice of a ...
White House Admits It’s Been Feeding Trump Cheeseburgers and Calling Them Hydroxychloroquine
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Yesterday, President Trump dropped quite a bombshell on the American people. ...
Poll: Majority of Americans Hope Taking Hydroxychloroquine is the One Thing Trump Doesn’t Lie About
In one of the fasted conducted public opinion polls in human history, it’s been ...
Paramount Sues Space Force for Trademark Infringement
HOLLYWOO, CALIFORNIA — Paramount Studios has filed a lawsuit against the Space Force, alleging ...
Trump Says “Obamagate” Used to Be Called ‘Being Black’
WASHINGTON, D.C. — What, exactly, is “Obamagate?” To be sure, it’s something that King ...
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