James Schlarmann

Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

Biden Pledges to Name Military Base Latrines After Trump Loyalists

Former Vice-President Joe Biden has announced that should he win the election this fall, ...

Palpatine Blames ‘AntiSith Anarchists’ for Use of Death Star on Alderaan

CORUSCANT — In an emergency address, Emperor Sheev Palpatine confirmed that the Death Star’s ...

White House Admits It Fed Trump Cheeseburgers and Called Them Hydroxychloroquine

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Yesterday, President Trump dropped quite a bombshell on the American people. ...

RBG: “Cancer Can’t Make Me Resign Until It Leaves The White House First”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In 2019, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg underwent three weeks ...

President Will Distribute Copies of Mary Trump’s Book at Future MAGA Rallies

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump cannot be all that thrilled about his niece ...

Poll Indicates Majority of Americans Wish Trump’s Mom Had Been Pro-Choice

As the election draws closer, there’s little doubt that President Donald Trump believes he’s ...

Twitter Will Start Slapping “Emotionally Fragile Idiot” Warning on Trump Tweets

SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA — Yesterday, for the first time ever, Twitter applied real-time ...

DNC Announces First Presidential Debate Between Donald Trump and Chris Wallace

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Democratic National Committee has announced the first presidential debate of ...