James Schlarmann

Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

ISIS Claims Responsibility for Coronavirus Quarantine Protests

UNDISCLOSED LOCATION — The terrorist organization known as ISIS has released a new video ...

Lincoln’s Ghost Offers to Take Trump on Tour of Ford’s Theater

WASHINGTON, D.C. — When President Donald J. Trump told Fox News host Martha MacCallum ...

Armed Protesters Demand Their Right to Domestic Terrorism for Haircuts

DERP CITY, MICHIGAN — Dozens of armed mouth-breathers stormed a local government office this ...

Trump Campaign Sells Out $500 Candles That Smell Like President’s Butthole

WASHINGTON, D.C.  — The Trump 2020 Re-Election campaign announced this weekend that they have ...

Roger Stone Wants Conjugal Visits With Trump’s Ass

WASHINGTON, D.C — Last month, Federal District Judge Amy Berman Jackson sentenced Roger Stone, ...

Lindsey Graham Doesn’t Think Senate Should Return Until He Can Fit His Mask Over Trump’s Nuts

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) can be counted among the elected Republicans ...

Trump Reassures First Lady Coronavirus Is Not Sexually Transmitted

WASHINGTON, D.C. — This afternoon, the president held a press event in the White ...

Trump Supporter Not Sure He Has Enough Bleach for Robes AND COVID-19 Vaccine

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE — Right-wing podcaster and singer/songwriter Jethro Bohiggins makes no qualms ...