James Schlarmann

Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

Trump Supporter’s Veins Feel Clean and COVID-Free Right Before He Dies

LAISOLE VALLEY, ARKANSAS — Doctors attending to his final moments say that Hoss Huckleberry, ...

Trump Supporter Takes Knee During National Anthem to Protest Coronavirus Lockdown

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE — Jethro Bohiggins has, by his estimation at least, recorded ...

Fat Fuck Attention Whore: “Thousands of People Dying Don’t Hurt My Fabulous TV Ratings!”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Yesterday, America’s most powerful elected twatwaffle held yet another klanpaign rally ...

Trump Boys Mortuaries Opens Across America’s Heartland

NEW YORK, NEW YORK — Never shy about a business venture opportunity, the presidents’ ...

Donald Trump Jr: “Americans Need to Go Back to Pretending to Work Like Me”

NEW YORK, NEW YORK — The president’s third most intelligent son indicated today that ...

Trump Demands Obama’s Long Form Biden Endorsement

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Yesterday, former President Barack Obama endorsed the presidential campaign of his ...

McConnell Says Trump’s Dick Tastes Like ‘Total Authority’ to Him

COAL BONER, KENTUCKY — President Donald Trump suggested during a recent coronavirus task force ...