James Schlarmann

Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

Trump Threatens To Send Queen of England ‘Declaration of More Independence’ Because of ‘Unforgivable’ UK Protests

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Decades-long relationships between the United States and its strongest European allies ...

Congressman Furious Peter Strzok Held Same Opinion of Trump Most People Have

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Republican Congressman Tom Thompaulsen is absolutely livid after watching the all-day, ...

Brett Kavanaugh Turns In List of Civil Rights He Doesn’t Acknowledge to Mitch McConnell

WASHINGTON, D.C. — D.C. appeals judge Brett Kavanaugh was formally introduced as President Trump’s ...

Warren Agrees to DNA Test on Condition of Trump Spelling Test

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The heated, bitter war of words between Senator Liz Warren and ...

Citing Budget Deficit, Trump Enacts Tariff On Free Speech

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump issued an executive order today that placed a ...

Trump Declares Restaurants “No Free Speech Zones”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Americans dining out are no longer permitted to speak or think ...

Melania Trump Announces New Fashion Line of Jackets With Phrases On Them

  WASHINGTON, D.C. — First Lady Melania Trump ruffled feathers when she showed up ...

Historians Find Hitler’s Receipt From Post-Kristallnacht Brunch At Carnegie Deli

BERLIN, GERMANY — Historians from the Institute of German History and All Things German-Ish ...

Trump Bans FBI Agents’ Personal Opinions That Align With Pretty Much Most Of The Country

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Following testimony from the Inspector General and the FBI director on ...