James Schlarmann

Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

Obama Gives Biden Access Codes for FEMA Camps and Stockpile of Confiscated Guns

SECRET SHARIA DUNGEON, THE LITERAL HELL — During their weekly ritualistic sacrifice of a ...

White House Admits It’s Been Feeding Trump Cheeseburgers and Calling Them Hydroxychloroquine

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Yesterday, President Trump dropped quite a bombshell on the American people. ...

Paramount Sues Space Force for Trademark Infringement

HOLLYWOO, CALIFORNIA — Paramount Studios has filed a lawsuit against the Space Force, alleging ...

Trump Says “Obamagate” Used to Be Called ‘Being Black’

WASHINGTON, D.C. — What, exactly, is “Obamagate?” To be sure, it’s something that King ...

Trump Launches Operation Ludicrous Speed to Develop Wind Cancer Vaccine

WASHINGTON, D.C. — While the world waits and hopes for a COVID-19 vaccine to ...

Eric Trump Urges His Dad to Shut the Obamagate, Obamadoor, and Obamawindows

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Over the past couple of days, Americans have begun to hear ...

President Worries Never-Trumpers Are Dying of COVID-19 to Make Him ‘Look Bad’

WASHINGTON, D.C. — At the time of publication, the United States has suffered 83, ...

Trump Promises to Attach Obamagate Evidence to Obama’s Kenyan Birth Certificate

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump is extremely concerned and hyper-focused on what is ...