James Schlarmann

Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

Trump Presses Thighland’s President for Dirt on Kamala Harris

WASHINGTON, D.C. — He’s calling it another one of his “perfect phone calls,” but ...

Obama Appears on Fox News Opposing Masks

Today, former President Barack Obama appeared on Fox News and urged viewers not to ...

Trump Relinquishes Presidential Responsibilities in Democrat-Run Cities

WASHINGTON, D.C. — During a press conference today, President Donald Trump officially relinquished all ...

TikTok Changes Name to COVID-19 So Trump Will Leave Them Alone

CULVER CITY, CALIFORNIA — In an effort to fend off a regulatory slap and ...

ISIS Offers NRA’s Wayne LaPierre Interim Position

SOMEWHERE IN SYRIA — This morning, the New York Attorney General announced that her ...

Biden Campaign Asks Jonathan Swan to Debate Trump

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Joe Biden 2020 campaign has reportedly reached out to Axios ...

Absolute Moron Makes Up Shit About Mail-In Voting

WASHINGTON, D.C. — A bloviating, mentally deteriorating, egomaniacal, white collar criminal — who also ...

Trump Asks Barr If Democrats Can Be Stripped of Their Citizenship

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Poll after poll is starting to paint a grim, dismal picture ...