James Schlarmann

Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

Ann Coulter Still Hopes to Win Triple Crown Next Year

One horse in particular is quite sad this morning. “I don’t know, at my ...

Mike Pence Pretty Sure He Could Kill His Boss And Then Pardon Himself For It

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Speaking before a prayer breakfast gathering in the nation’s capital this ...

Justin Trudeau Shocks World; Apologizes For Mass Canadian Ambien Usage In 1812

FRENCH TOWN, CANADA LAND — When President Donald Trump asked Canadian Prime Minister Justin ...

Kelly Sadler and Roseanne Barr Launch “Klassic Konfederate Komedy Tour”

RICHMOND, VIRGINIA — Today, comedians Kelly Sadler and Roseanne Barr held a press conference ...

President Hillary Clinton Officially Pardons Herself For Benghazi, Emails, Secret Assassinations

BIZARRO WASHINGTON, D.C. — This morning, in the Alternate White House, Alternative President Hillary ...

Confused White Guy Agrees With New NFL National Anthem Policy (VIDEO)

Everyone’s favorite Confused White Guy took to the Internet this past week and uploaded ...

Historians Uncover Robert E. Lee’s Ambien Prescription

ARLINGTON, VIRGINIA — Historians cleaning out an upstairs hall closet at the former residence ...

Fox News Picks Up “Roseanne” For Season 11

NEW YORK, NEW YORK — Under considerable pressure from President Donald Trump, Fox News ...