James Schlarmann

Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

Trump Declares Restaurants “No Free Speech Zones”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Americans dining out are no longer permitted to speak or think ...

Melania Trump Announces New Fashion Line of Jackets With Phrases On Them

  WASHINGTON, D.C. — First Lady Melania Trump ruffled feathers when she showed up ...

Historians Find Hitler’s Receipt From Post-Kristallnacht Brunch At Carnegie Deli

BERLIN, GERMANY — Historians from the Institute of German History and All Things German-Ish ...

Trump Bans FBI Agents’ Personal Opinions That Align With Pretty Much Most Of The Country

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Following testimony from the Inspector General and the FBI director on ...

Ann Coulter Still Hopes to Win Triple Crown Next Year

One horse in particular is quite sad this morning. “I don’t know, at my ...

Mike Pence Pretty Sure He Could Kill His Boss And Then Pardon Himself For It

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Speaking before a prayer breakfast gathering in the nation’s capital this ...

Justin Trudeau Shocks World; Apologizes For Mass Canadian Ambien Usage In 1812

FRENCH TOWN, CANADA LAND — When President Donald Trump asked Canadian Prime Minister Justin ...