James Schlarmann

Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

Trump Threatens to Throw His Bone Spurs at Mattis

WASHINGTON, D.C. — It’s a feud perhaps no one on the Hill thought would ...

Trump: “This Book Has Absolutely No Pictures of Titties In It”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Yesterday, President Donald Trump cited the Insurrection Act of 1807 and ...

Trump Thought Secret Service Would Take Him Golfing When He Begged to Be Put in Bunker

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Protests against police brutality have erupted all over the country since ...

Tomi Lahren to Release List of Acceptable Ways for Black People to Protest Abuse

BROKE WIND MOUNTAIN, CALIFORNIA — From a secluded cabin in the mountains of Southern ...

Trump Signs Executive Order Demanding Facebook and Twitter Make Him Look Attractive and Competent

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump proved his small-government, traditionally conservative values today when ...

Trump Demands Twitter Give Alternative Fact-Checks to Democrat Tweets

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump is not pleased at all that Twitter slapped ...

Twitter Won’t Pull Down Trump’s Tweets About Fucking Jack Dorsey’s Mom

SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA — Twitter has officially declined to pull down tweets sent ...