WASHINGTON, D.C. — The incoming Biden administration has asked President Donald Trump formally to “remove and all sexy or lurid photos” of the First Lady by the time he leaves office on January 20th, 2021.
“Mr. Outgoing, Lame Duck, One-Term, Permanently Impeached President,” Biden’s transition team opens, “we’d like to first take the time to congratulate you on being the first place loser in the 2020 presidential election. You fought hard campaign and tried your best to extort foreign countries to help you win, and while you fell woefully short and will end up being the only president to never win the popular vote even a single time, we think you should be bigly proud of your ability to stay in power and now fart yourself to death after overdosing on KFC and Big Macs.”
Biden’s team was made aware by someone within the White House that over the course of the last four years, Trump has hung several portraits of First Lady Ivanka Trump in what they described as “lingerie or sexy poses,” and were asked if they would like to have the portraits left up for their arrival on January 20th.
“We’ve reached a decision re: the sexy photos of the First Lady,” the Biden team continues, “and we’d like to ask you at this time, formally, to please make sure there are no photos of the First Lady in compromising positions left up by the time President-elect Biden moves into the White House. In fact, please just remove all photos of her, regardless of whether she is clothed fully or not.”
In addition to having them take down photos of the First Lady, Biden has made a few additional requests of the Trump administration.
“Further, we’d like to request that you dismantle the McDonald’s kitchen you had installed in the White House bunker,” Biden’s team wrote. “While President-elect Biden enjoys a hamburger from time to time, he has absolutely no need for a fully functioning golden arches in the White House. If you could also see fit to have Stephen Miller’s autographed copies of Mein Kampf removed from the premises, that would be swell.”
President Trump has not responded to Biden’s request as of the time of publication.
Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.