Tuesday, September 21, 2021

Biden Asks Greene for Input on Space Force Laser Project

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Joe Biden announced today that Space Force will begin work soon on a new missile defense system, and he wants to get help in its design phase from, perhaps, an unlikely source.

“I called up Margarine and I asked her if she’d like to get involved on this space laser program,” Biden told reporters as he strolled the White House grounds for exercise today. “Everyone tells me how much she loves space lasers, can’t quit talking about these space lasers folks tell me. So, I figured she’d be as good a person as any to get involved in Space Force’s new laser.”

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White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki told reporters later in the afternoon that Biden decided to tap Greene for the assignment out of a “desire to reach across the aisle” and “promote bipartisanship.”

“President Biden was in the Senate for sixteen thousand years and knows how Congress works. He knows you can’t get anywhere without bipartisan support,” Psaki explained. “He learned that lesson well, and he wants to teach future generations how to put their differences aside and work on things you can reach common ground on. Rep. Greene is no doubt the leading congressional expert on space lasers.”

Biden indicated he decided to ask Greene because he believes she “definitely has the time for it.”

“She’s not on any committees, so it seems like she’d have all the time in the world to get with Space Force and share her knowledge of space lasers with those good folks, Squirt,” Biden said. “I just believe in getting the best talent for the job you need done, and nobody is as good as Mango on space lasers.”

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Rep. Greene discussed Biden’s proposal on Steve Bannon’s podcast.

“You know, if Joseph ‘Commie Cuck Socialist Antifa Cancel Culture Transgender Obama’s Birth Certificate Benghazi’ Biden was the legitimate president, I’d be honored,” Greene laughed as she smoked her signature brand crack. “Until Forever King God Emperor Giant Handed President Donald John Trump is rightfully reinstated to his throne, however, I will not be helping this alleged White House do jack-diddly-who-ha-squat, Stevie.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

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