There are so many things for an incoming presidential administration to take care of. There are dozens and dozens of staff members and jobs that need to be filled, and it can take weeks to get all the requisite ducks lined up. In recent days, President-elect Biden has made several announcements about who will be in his administration once it assumes power on January 20th, but one role has remained rather conspicuously unfilled.
Who will be Biden’s ambassador to the emerging, developing nation of Thighland? Discovering and beginning diplomatic relations with Thighland was one of his predecessor’s most important achievements in the one, singular term he’ll ever get to serve in the White House. Had he won re-election and defeated Biden, many wondered if Thighland would become a crowning jewel in the outgoing administration’s crown, but now it appears that Biden is willing to put talks with Thighland on the backburner.
“Quite frankly, we’re still waiting for the Trump administration to give us a map with Thighland on it, so we know how to find it,” a Biden staffer told us. “So far, they’ve only given us Quizno’s napkins that Donald Jr. drew crude maps of Thighland on.”
In addition to Thighland needing an ambassador, Biden will also have to make some other decisions about what to do with his predecessor’s agenda items once he’s in charge.
“Windmill cancer vaccine studies have to be looked at. We have to see what they found out about the Bowling Green Massacre,” the Biden aide divulged, “and of course there are the spycrowaves we have to get installed back in the White House kitchens. And all of that has to happen at the same time that we have the golden toilets removed and all the boudoir photos of the First Lady taken down. Hopefully Ivanka understands that President-elect Biden has no use for them.”
Biden expects to name an ambassador to Thighland within the first hundred days of his administration.
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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.