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Wednesday, May 31, 2023

Boebert: “The Free Market is Full of Commies Censoring Conservatives!”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Speaking in the nation’s capital at a prayer breakfast held for small restaurant owners who have given the public diarrhea with their tainted meat, Congressmoron Lauren Bobert (Q-CO) lashed out at Americans who are terminating their Spotify Premium memberships and musicians who are abandoning the streaming content provider in protest of Joe Rogan’s podcast.

Rogan, who Spotify paid more than $100 million dollars to for the exclusive rights to his podcast, has been the subject of intense scrutiny and debate for hosting major purveyors of COVID-19 and election misinformation, while largely not fact-checking them.

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Rock veteran Neil Young and folk icon Joni Mitchell have led a parade of artists who have demanded that their music be removed from Spotify unless and until Rogan’s podcast is much more heavily moderated for content. At the same time, Spotify has lost billions in market value since the public outcry began, and millions of Americans have canceled their monthly subscriptions for ad-free streaming. Some may see the mass exodus of subscribers and artists as not much more than a free market-based boycott, however voices on the right, including Boebert, have repeatedly criticized anyone who takes a stand against Rogan, or Spotify.

“Folks, they keep telling us that it’s our fault for being so insistent that bakers don’t have to bake cakes for gay weddings. Now, they’re trying to use our own logic against us. Well, first of off, LIBTARDS, we don’t believe in so-called logic because it was invented by socialist teachers to make conservatives feel dumb,” Boebert told the congregants this morning.

“Second of off, liberals are NOT allowed to participate in the free market because everyone knows they are commies who want to make America die of full-blown socialism. Hair go, and I think you’ll agree that for all intensive purposes I’m right here, if it’s just a free market boycott, it proves the free market is full of commies censoring conservatives!”

Thunderous applause ripped open among the assorted miscreants, misanthropes, and utter idiots in attendance.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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