Monday, March 8, 2021

Lifestyle

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“But I’m For Law and Order!” Shouts the Cultist Being Arrested for Their Attempted Coup

FT. DUMFUK, TENNESSEE -- "But I'm for law and order! Don't you hear me? I back the blue! Why are you doing this to me?!...

Matt Gaetz Blames Antifa for His Inability to Show Up To Work Sober

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A visually intoxicated Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-Trump's Taint) told reporters today that he "mostly blames Antifa" for the attack carried out...

Trump Looking Forward to Spending Less Time With ‘Homewrecker’ Jared Kushner

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- To say that President Donald Trump has given "mixed signals" about whether or not he accepts the results of last month's...

Disappointed Stephen Miller Finds Out the Klan Doesn’t Offer Healthcare or 401kkk

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, soon to be former White House senior adviser Stephen Miller received some personally difficult news. Not only will be...

Mike Pence Explains How Ripping Wombs Out of Immigrant Women is Pro-Life and Not Permanent Abortion

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning Vice President High Priest Michael Pence was asked to address shocking allegations that doctors in Georgia performed unrequested hysterectomies...

God Apologizes for His “Sloppy Aim”

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- Larry "God" Schumway issued an urgent press release this morning, apologizing for what he's calling his "sloppy aim." MORE: TikTok...

Mary Trump’s Book Claims Her Uncle Paid Someone Else to Take STD Tests for Him

Yesterday, a judge cleared the way for Mary Trump -- niece of President Donald J. Trump -- to promote her new tell-all book about...

Roger Stone Shows Off New Trump Tramp Stamp Prison Tattoo

MILHOUSE, FLORIDA -- Just outside a diner about fifteen minutes from his home, Roger Stone was stopped and asked by reporters this morning how...

Ivanka Had The Most Classy and Elegant Photos Taken For Father’s Day

WASHINGTON. D.C. -- Pretty Much First Lady Ivanka Trump reportedly had a series of classy, elegant boudoir photos taken as a gift for Father's...

Eric Trump: “Face Masks Make American Bald Eagles Cry!”

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- Though America isn't usually known to be a country full of people easily swayed into politicizing issues that would...
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